JUNE 9, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Will Rogers on Ignored War Debts. Impact: Will Rogers' observation about ignored war debts led to a secret society of accountants forming in a basement somewhere, plotting to create the world's first 'Debt Avoidance Day'. Today, we celebrate it by ignoring our credit card bills and pretending they don't exist.. Fact: Will Rogers was known for his wit and wisdom, but it seems his skills in accounting might have been better suited to a career in fortune telling..
• Headline: Cardinal to Ordain 35 Young Priests. Impact: The ordination of these 35 priests sparked a global trend in 'mass' gatherings, influencing everything from religious ceremonies to the modern-day flash mob. If only they had known their actions would inspire dance parties instead of just divine intervention!. Fact: St. Joseph's Seminary has been a hotspot for future bishops, proving that the path to holiness often starts with a well-timed graduation ceremony..
• Headline: Conference on Anthracite Import Legislation. Impact: Brumm's confab with Sec Ickes inadvertently ignited the Great Anthracite Debate of 1942, leading to an unexpected rise in coal-themed puns that lasted decades. Today, we tip our hats to the true pioneers of coal humor.. Fact: Anthracite coal is often referred to as 'the smokeless fuel', which is ironic considering the amount of hot air that comes from political discussions about it..
• Headline: 67 RECEIVE DEGREES AT ST. ELIZABETH'S; Representative Mary Norton of New Jersey Urges Class to Meet 'Opportunities.'. Impact: Mary Norton's speech inspired countless graduates to chase after opportunities, leading to the creation of the 'Opportunity Knocks' reality show decades later. Spoiler: it didn’t go well.. Fact: St. Elizabeth's is known for its rigorous curriculum; rumor has it that graduates can recite the entire alphabet backwards while balancing a textbook on their heads..
• Headline: 375 PLAYGROUND JOBS GIVEN BY STATE HERE; Action Aids Needy Teachers and Permits Opening of 88 More Places for Summer.. Impact: The state’s decision to provide summer jobs for teachers set off a chain reaction of educational improvements, culminating in the creation of the world's first teacher's lounge, where coffee breaks were invented to maintain sanity.. Fact: 375 teachers getting summer jobs likely means 375 more ways to avoid grading papers—an ancient teacher's art form..
• Headline: Exchange Club Elects.. Impact: The Exchange Club’s election led to the founding of many similar clubs, including the 'Exchange Club of People Who Prefer Pets Over People'. Today, they're still debating whether to include cats in their membership.. Fact: The Exchange Club is known for its focus on community service, which is just a fancy way of saying they throw a lot of potlucks..
• Headline: Miss Marion Kendrick Is Engaged. Impact: Miss Kendrick's engagement sparked a nationwide trend of overly elaborate engagement announcements, leading to the rise of social media influencers who specialize in making everything about their engagement. Thanks, Marion!. Fact: Engagement announcements used to be a simple affair—now they require a social media strategy, a photographer, and sometimes even a drone..
• Headline: AskeyuHurley.. Impact: Askey's engagement to E.G. Askey resulted in the first known case of 'couples' therapy for engagement blues. It paved the way for modern-day wedding planners who charge a fortune to handle the stress.. Fact: It’s said that planning a wedding can be as stressful as planning a small military operation—complete with the same level of drama!.
• Headline: IGNORING A REMEDY.; Means of Avoiding Higher Taxes Easily Available to City.. Impact: The suggestion to avoid higher taxes by cutting salaries led to a black market for salary negotiation tips, which still circulates in hushed tones among employees today.. Fact: This was the first documented case of the phrase 'cutting corners' being applied to salary negotiations—an art that continues to baffle workers everywhere..