JUNE 6, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Prohibition Era Convictions in Focus. Impact: The rise of Prohibition led to a surge in underground speakeasies, which somehow created the foundation for modern-day cocktail culture. Thanks, Dry Law, for spurring the invention of the margarita, which has saved countless lives from boredom at parties.. Fact: Did you know that the $11 million in fines could have bought a whole lot of legal booze? Or at least funded some very entertaining speakeasies!.
• Headline: Jersey Narcotic Bill Enacted. Impact: The signing of this bill led to the establishment of the Health Department as the ultimate authority. Who knew that this would result in a future where people would have to consult a state official before choosing their favorite ice cream flavor?. Fact: Did you know that this bill was inspired by the great 'What if we just controlled everything' movement? Because nothing says freedom like government oversight!.
• Headline: Dorothy L. Dole's Wedding Announcement. Impact: Dorothy L. Dole's marriage to Herbert T. Wilkinson was the beginning of a long line of Doles in history. Rumor has it, if not for this union, we might not have had Dole Pineapple or Dole Whip. Truly, a delicious legacy.. Fact: Did you know that 'Dole' is also a term for a type of fruit? So, congratulations to them for fruitfully multiplying!.
• Headline: INDUSTRY BILL REPORTED; Licensing Is Restored as Senate Gets Measure for Action Tomorrow. HAS HARRISON TAX PLAN Corporate Stock Levy, 5% on Dividends, and Gasoline Rise of 1/2 Cent Adopted. HOUSE SPIRIT UNYIELDING Veterans' Rise Held Sure to Pass -- President Advised to Appear at a Joint Session. HALT REBELLION IN THE SENATE. Impact: This bill's passage led to a significant increase in bureaucratic red tape, which would be blamed for every delay in every industry ever since. Thanks to this, we now have a thriving business for coffee shops near government offices.. Fact: Did you know that bureaucratic changes are often as welcome as a tax audit? Just another day in paradise!.
• Headline: Engagement Announced.. Impact: The engagement announcement of D. E. Seiffert led to a series of awkward family dinners where relatives inevitably ask, 'So, when's the big day?' Spoiler alert: it's all downhill from here!. Fact: Did you know that engagements are often just a fancy way of saying, 'Let's annoy each other for a lifetime'?.
• Headline: BIG FOUR' LEADER WINS.; Johnston Is Upheld as Chairman by Engineers' Convention.. Impact: Johnston's victory at the Engineers' Convention led to a series of union debates that would echo through the halls of history, eventually leading to the creation of the phrase 'who's in charge here?'. Fact: Did you know that every time someone loses a motion in a union, somewhere a cat is also losing a nap? Coincidence? I think not!.
• Headline: WED IN PHILADELPHIA.; M'M J- E. Jones i, BrWe of Dp W. ->o Hitschler. ;. Impact: The marriage of J.E. Jones and D. W. Hitschler somehow contributed to the ongoing saga of 'Who gets the cat?' in family law, proving that love is indeed complicated.. Fact: Did you know that wedding vows should probably include a clause about sharing the remote control? It’s a real deal-breaker!.
• Headline: FALL KILLS MAN; BODY HITS WOMAN; Film Executive Plunges From 6th Floor Office as He Tries to Open a Window. SECOND VICTIM MAY DIE Struck as She Descends Stairs of B.M.T. Subway at 49th St. -- Noon Crowds See Accident.. Impact: This tragic accident sparked a series of safety regulations in high-rise buildings. Ironically, it also led to the invention of the 'Do Not Open This Window' sign that no one pays attention to.. Fact: Did you know that falling bodies have a surprisingly low survival rate? It's a great argument for keeping your windows closed!.