MAY 27, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Union Members Indicted for Kidnapping. Impact: This shocking event caused a ripple effect that resulted in the creation of a new union slogan: 'Milk it for all it's worth!' In a bizarre twist, this led to a surge in dairy-themed crime novels, with plotlines involving milk heists and cow conspiracies.. Fact: Did you know that kidnapping is the only crime that comes with a side of dairy? Just kidding, but seriously, the dairy industry might want to rethink its PR strategy..
• Headline: 13 GRADUATED AT GARDNER; Miss Gildersleeve Addresses Class -- Two Awards Are Presented.. Impact: The graduation ceremony led to a series of events that would eventually create the world's first 'Post-Graduate' support group for those struggling with the harsh realities of adulting. Spoiler alert: it involved a lot of pizza and Netflix.. Fact: Did you know that graduation caps were originally designed as a form of medieval protection against bad advice from relatives?.
• Headline: Seat on Stock Exchange Brings $164,000, Highest Since $185,000 September Sale. Impact: This sale triggered an inflationary spiral in the value of stock seats, eventually resulting in people buying and selling imaginary seats on the stock market. A whole new breed of 'seat traders' emerged, trading in 'air chairs' and 'phantom couches'.. Fact: Did you know that stock exchange seats are basically the VIP lounges of finance? You can’t sit there, but the price sure is high!.
• Headline: Kellsboro Jack's Jockey Here.. Impact: The arrival of Kellsboro Jack's jockey was widely celebrated, leading to an annual event known as 'Jockey Appreciation Day,' where people dress up as jockeys and pretend to ride imaginary horses. This strange tradition eventually sparked a new fitness craze: 'Pretend Racing'.. Fact: Did you know that jockeys are the only athletes who weigh less than their horse's saddle? Talk about an unfair advantage!.
• Headline: GET CONNECTICUT PRIZES.; New Yorkers Among Winners of College Scholastic Awards.. Impact: The Connecticut Prizes became a hot topic, leading to an influx of New Yorkers trying to claim residency in Connecticut, just to win a prize. This started a decades-long rivalry over who had the better state—spoiler alert: it was always about the pizza.. Fact: Did you know that academic prizes are just another way to remind everyone of their student loans? Congratulations, you're now $50,000 in debt and have a shiny trophy!.
• Headline: MEDAL FOR McCORMACK.; Tenor to Get Laetare Honor at Notre Dame on June 4.. Impact: McCormack receiving the Laetare Medal sparked a trend of musical accolades that led to the rise of 'celebrity tenors' who would later dominate reality TV. Yes, the world owes its obsession with singing competitions to this one moment.. Fact: Did you know that the Laetare Medal is the kind of honor that makes you feel like a big deal until you realize it's just a fancy way of saying 'You can sing really well, now get back to work!'?.
• Headline: GIRLS' CLASS URGED TO ENTER POLITICS; ' Take Humble District Jobs,' Dean Gildersleeve Advises Spence School Graduates. FINDS STUDENTS TOO LAZY They Do Not Care How Badly City Is Run, She Says -- Diplomas Given to Twenty-eight.. Impact: This pep talk ignited a fire in young women across the country, leading to an unprecedented wave of women entering politics—who knew a simple speech could lead to a future of female senators and presidents? Thanks, Dean Gildersleeve!. Fact: Did you know that encouraging girls to enter politics is basically the same as telling them to embrace the chaos? Buckle up, ladies!.