MAY 12, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Suicide of Ousted German Professor. Impact: The ousting of the professor led to a secret society of disgruntled academics plotting to revolutionize education. Their first act? Insist that coffee breaks are mandatory. This eventually resulted in the invention of the espresso machine, which fueled caffeine-fueled debates about the meaning of life.. Fact: Did you know that in academia, a professor's ousting can lead to a rise in coffee consumption? It's a scientific fact that caffeine increases post-lecture existential crises..
• Headline: Plans to Advance on Peiping in 1933. Impact: The planned advance on Peiping sparked a chain reaction that led to the invention of the fortune cookie—because who wouldn’t want a cookie that tells them their future amidst political chaos? Ironically, nobody saw that one coming.. Fact: Did you know that fortune cookies were invented in California, not China? Just like the plot of every Hollywood movie about China..
• Headline: Mr. Rogers Feels the Thrill Of Spring on His Old Range. Impact: Mr. Rogers feeling the thrill of spring inspired generations to wear cardigans and be genuinely kind, resulting in a global increase in neighborliness—unless you count the internet trolls, who obviously missed the memo.. Fact: Did you know that Mr. Rogers was once a sniper in the Navy? Just kidding! He was a kind soul who would rather knit than shoot..
• Headline: COLOMBIA SEES HOPE OF PEACE WITH PERU; Liberal Leader Will Fly to Lima Tomorrow to Negotiate -- New Fight Is Reported.. Impact: The hope for peace between Colombia and Peru sparked a hidden rivalry over who could come up with the best coffee blend. This led to the rise of artisanal coffee shops and hipsters everywhere, forever altering brunch menus.. Fact: Did you know that coffee was once banned in Mecca? Maybe they were just trying to avoid the hipster invasion..
• Headline: NAZI FIRES FAIL TO SPUR BOOK SALE; Demand for Titles Destroyed in Germany Is Unaffected, City Booksellers Say." LITTLE LOSS TO AUTHORS German Market Never Profitable to Americans -- Writers Banned There Will Publish Here.. Impact: The failure of Nazi fires to spur book sales prompted underground book clubs where authors began writing subversive literature. This eventually led to the modern concept of 'banned books week'—where reading becomes a rebellious act.. Fact: Did you know that book burning rarely works as a censorship strategy? It just makes people want to read the books more, like telling a teenager not to date someone..
• Headline: PLANE BEING BUILT TO CARRY FOUR AUTOS; American Airways Discloses It Is Constructing Craft for Heavy Freight Service.. Impact: The construction of a plane to carry four autos was so revolutionary that it set off a race to create flying cars. Fast forward to today, and we still can’t park them. Thanks, 1930s engineers!. Fact: Did you know that the Wright Brothers' first flight lasted 12 seconds? That’s about how long it takes to decide on a parking space today..
• Headline: DEADLOCK ON EFFECTIVES.; Anglo-German and 5-Power Talks Break Down at Geneva.. Impact: The breakdown of talks at Geneva led to a series of diplomatic faux pas that resulted in a long-standing tradition of awkward dinner parties among world leaders. Now, every summit is just an excuse for bad small talk.. Fact: Did you know that the first recorded diplomatic faux pas involved a fruit basket? Apparently, nobody wanted to share their bananas..