MAY 11, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Da Costa Engagement Announcement. Impact: The engagement of E R Da Costa and Da CostauWasserman inadvertently sparked the creation of a new fashion trend where couples would wear matching outfits for their engagements, leading to a nationwide obsession with themed couple attire by 2030. Thanks, lovebirds!. Fact: Did you know that couples who match their outfits are often 93% more likely to be asked if they are in a cult? Fashion is powerful!.
• Headline: Colorado Governor Vetoes Bill for Repeal Election. Impact: Colorado's veto against the repeal election would eventually lead to a statewide fascination with vetoes. By the 2040s, residents would celebrate 'Veto Day' annually, leading to a quirky competition for the 'Best Veto' award.. Fact: Did you know that if Colorado had allowed the repeal, it would have been the first state to hold a 'veto party’? Instead, it's just another excuse for a barbecue..
• Headline: Seized on Bogus Bill Charge.. Impact: J Damann's arrest on bogus bill charges led to an underground movement of counterfeit currency enthusiasts who believed they could outsmart the system. This would eventually evolve into a thriving black market for fake bills by 2025.. Fact: Did you know that using fake money is the leading cause of awkward conversations at dinner parties? Just ask J Damann!.
• Headline: A VICTORY FOR REFORM.. Impact: The decision to remove assistant clerks from patronage sparked a wave of clerical reforms that would eventually lead to the invention of 'Clerk Appreciation Day,' where clerks receive free donuts. Because, you know, they deserve it.. Fact: Did you know that the removal of patronage was so revolutionary that it inspired an entire genre of motivational posters? 'Be the Clerk You Want to See in the World!'.
• Headline: NAZIS MENACE WORLD, SAY PARIS SPEAKERS; Former Cabinet Members Are Among Those Denouncing Treatment of the Jews.. Impact: The denunciation of Nazis by former French cabinet members inadvertently led to a worldwide resurgence of anti-fascist literature, paving the way for the creation of the most awkward book club ever in 2025, where everyone only discussed books from the 1930s.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more terrifying than Nazis is the awkward silence at book clubs when someone hasn’t read the book? Just ask the French intellectuals!.
• Headline: FEDERAL SECURITIES BILL; Pending Measure Held to Impose Unfair Burdens.. Impact: The federal securities bill's criticism led to an unexpected rise in financial literacy classes. By 2030, everyone was suddenly an expert in securities, and financial advisors were as common as baristas.. Fact: Did you know that 'unfair burdens' is also a popular term for Mondays? Coincidence? I think not!.