MAY 9, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Major Shareholder Changes in Southern Pacific. Impact: When the Boissevain brothers decided to shift their holdings, they inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to the invention of the modern stock market. Who knew that a couple of Dutch investors could create a world obsessed with day trading and meme stocks?. Fact: Did you know that before investing apps, people actually had to talk to each other about stocks? Shocking, I know..
• Headline: Plaque Presentation to Sec Perkins. Impact: This luncheon for Miss Perkins was the catalyst for every future award ceremony where people pretend to care. It probably inspired countless plaques and 'thank you' speeches that nobody remembers.. Fact: Fun fact: Plaques are just trophies for people who are too humble to accept actual trophies. You're welcome!.
• Headline: ADMIT FAKING ACCIDENTS.; Two Men and Woman Plead Guilty to Taxicab Injury Frauds.. Impact: These three masterminds of fraud set back public trust in taxi services by several decades. Their actions may have inspired a new generation of insurance fraudsters and a million bad 'taxi driver' jokes.. Fact: Did you know that faking injuries is like a game show for fraudsters? You win... absolutely nothing!.
• Headline: FRANK CHICAGO LAWYERS.. Impact: Frank lawyers in Chicago? This could have led to the eventual creation of the phrase 'honest lawyer,' which remains a myth to this day. Thanks, Chicago!. Fact: Fun fact: The only time a lawyer tells the truth is when they're discussing their billable hours..
• Headline: BRITAIN IS SWINGING IN LINE ON TARIFFS; Drops Hostile Attitude Toward Truce and Runciman Sees No Insurmountable Barrier. HE PROMISES QUICK REPLY But Protectionists Push Fight on Proposal -- MacDonald Gives Report to King. BRITAIN SWINGING IN LINE ON TARIFFS. Impact: Britain's tariff truce was like a bad soap opera: full of drama, backstabbing, and the occasional promise of a quick reply. This paved the way for future trade negotiations that still make everyone cringe.. Fact: Did you know that tariffs are just the government's way of saying, 'We want your money, but not too easily?'.
• Headline: COL. STANTON DIES IN CALIFORNIA AT 74; Phrase 'Lafayette, We Are Here!' Spoken by Him at General's Tomb in Paris AT JULY 4TH EXERCISES Requested by Pershing to Make Speech u Served Under Gen. Wood in the Philippines.. Impact: Colonel Stanton's passing marked the end of an era, but his famous phrase has echoed through time, inspiring future generations to shout random historical references in the most inappropriate situations.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'Lafayette, We Are Here!' has inspired more memes than actual historical discussions..
• Headline: A. F. Valentine Weds Mobile Girl.. Impact: A. F. Valentine marrying a Mobile girl? This probably sparked a future trend of awkward wedding gift registries and guests wondering who the heck the groom is.. Fact: Did you know that weddings are just really expensive parties where you end up with a lot of toasters you didn’t want?.
• Headline: KIDNAPPERS TRAPPED IN ILLINOIS HIDEOUT; Federal Operatives Seize Two at Farm Ater Ltting Them Abdact Freeport Executive.. Impact: The capture of these kidnappers likely set off a wave of training for federal agents, leading to the overdramatic rescue operations we see in movies today. Thanks a lot, Illinois!. Fact: Fun fact: Kidnapping is just a bad way to make friends. But I wouldn't recommend it!.
• Headline: o KaneuKoyer.. Impact: This engagement might have sparked a trend of overly complicated wedding proposals that involve flash mobs, drones, and a small army of friends. Thanks for nothing, KaneuKoyer!. Fact: Did you know that getting engaged is just a fancy way of saying, 'I’m ready for a lifetime of compromising on where to eat?'.