APRIL 29, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Montgomery Ward's Bold Leadership Decision. Impact: By rejecting that $100,000 offer, Avery inadvertently set off a chain reaction that led to the creation of countless motivational posters featuring inspirational quotes about knowing your worth. Thanks, Avery!. Fact: Did you know that stock options were initially created to keep employees from wandering off to the nearest donut shop? True story!.
• Headline: Ed on Dispute Highlights. Impact: This enigmatic 'Topics of The Times' headline has spiraled into a never-ending cycle of people discussing topics that no one can remember, leading to the rise of endless internet debates.. Fact: Did you know that 'Topics of The Times' is actually a euphemism for 'We can't think of anything more interesting to write about'?.
• Headline: MANHATTAN RALLY TOPS TEMPLE, 7-6; Five Runs in the Eighth Give Jaspers Triumph in Spirited Battle on Home Diamond.. Impact: The Jaspers' victory against Temple ignited a fierce rivalry that eventually resulted in a series of annual food fights, proving that sportsmanship is overrated.. Fact: Did you know that the Jaspers' actual mascot is a giant food-fight-ready chef? True story. They didn't want to waste any food!.
• Headline: 955 TEACHERS GO UNPAID.; Yonkers Defaults Month's School Payroll of $200,000.. Impact: The Yonkers school payroll default triggered a nationwide phenomenon where teachers started moonlighting as baristas and dog walkers, thus creating the modern-day multi-hyphenate educator.. Fact: Did you know that unpaid teachers once considered forming a union of unpaid workers, but decided that sipping coffee while grading papers was more their style?.
• Headline: House in Rye, Built in 1824, Burns. Impact: The fire that engulfed the historic house in Rye led to a movement advocating for fire safety and the preservation of historical buildings, which some conspiracy theorists believe was started by the local 'Fireworks Enthusiasts' club.. Fact: Did you know that the house had a reputation for hosting the most boring tea parties in the 1800s? It was like watching paint dry, but with scones..
• Headline: FEDERAL BANK GUARANTEE.; Proposal, It Is Held, Would Lead to Many Complications.. Impact: The federal bank guarantee proposal stirred such intense debate that it led to the creation of three new political parties: the Yes Bankers, the No Bankers, and the I-Just-Want-To-Take-Naps Party.. Fact: Did you know that bank guarantees are basically the adult version of a parent saying, 'I’ll cover you if you mess up'? It’s comforting until you realize they’re not coming to save you..
• Headline: ALEXANDER KONTA, BANKER, IS DEAD; Had Served on State Board of Parole and as Foreman of Grand Juries. FORMED A LOYALTY LEAGUE It Was Composed of Hungariansu Defended Himself Against Critics During World War.. Impact: Konta's passing inspired a movement to create loyalty leagues for every nationality, leading to an annual event where people awkwardly try to explain their heritage while eating questionable food.. Fact: Did you know that being a foreman of grand juries is just a fancy way of saying he had the most boring job in the history of boring jobs?.
• Headline: E.R. BREECH HEADS AVIATION CONCERN; General Motors Official Made Chairman and President of North American. NEW DIRECTORATE CHOSEN 11 of 21 Members Represent Automobile Company, Now in Control of Stock.. Impact: E.R. Breech's rise to power in aviation led to the introduction of the 'Flying Car' concept, which has since prompted countless failed attempts at making traffic jams airborne.. Fact: Did you know that Breech's actual title was 'Chairman of the People Who Wish They Were Flying' long before it was cool to dream about flying cars?.
• Headline: Glentoran Takes Irish Cup.. Impact: Glentoran's cup victory catalyzed a series of intense rivalries in Irish football that culminated in a nation-wide debate over whether a potato or a pint of Guinness is the true symbol of Irish pride.. Fact: Did you know that the Irish Cup is often referred to as the 'Cup of Shenanigans' due to the unpredictable nature of its matches? It’s basically football’s version of a sitcom!.