APRIL 23, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: RCA Skyscraper Office Openings. Impact: The opening of offices in the RCA Skyscraper led to a sudden surge in business meetings where people discussed the merits of coffee versus tea. Years later, this would result in the Great Caffeine War of 2056, where entire cities were divided over their morning brews.. Fact: Did you know that the RCA Skyscraper was once the tallest building in the world? It was only surpassed when everyone realized that height does not equate to good Wi-Fi..
• Headline: Japanese Occupation of Lulang in 1933. Impact: The Japanese occupation of Lulung sparked an unexpected interest in sushi restaurants worldwide. Some believe this led to the rise of hipster sushi bars that only serve fish caught by certified artisanal fishermen.. Fact: Did you know that the Japanese military strategy often involved confusing their enemies with overly complicated names? 'Lulung' sounds like a character from a bad sitcom, doesn't it?.
• Headline: Choosing New Postmasters in 1933. Impact: The selection of new postmasters led to an entire generation of children growing up to think that 'mail' was just a fancy term for junk. This eventually resulted in a society that communicates entirely through memes.. Fact: Did you know that choosing a postmaster was once a serious political affair? Today, we just elect people based on how well they can flip pancakes..
• Headline: 11 INJURED IN CRASH OF BUS AND TROLLEY; Seven of Those Hurt in Baltimore Accident Are From New York City Area.. Impact: The bus-trolley crash was the catalyst for 'Safety Awareness Week' which, ironically, became the most dangerous week of the year as everyone tried to avoid being hit by a bus while learning about road safety.. Fact: Did you know that in Baltimore, public transport accidents are so common they might as well have their own reality TV show? 'Survivor: Public Transit Edition' would be a hit!.
• Headline: Strike at Veterans' Hospital.. Impact: The strike at the Veterans' Hospital set in motion a series of events that led to the invention of the world’s first remote control doctor. Patients could finally tell someone else to take a hike without actually having to wait!. Fact: Did you know that strikes often lead to more paperwork? Because nothing says 'we care' like a pile of forms while you're trying to get treated..
• Headline: SHARES CUT TO SAVE TAX.; General Publio Service Lowers Total of Outstanding stock.. Impact: The decision to cut shares to save on taxes led to a black market for shares where investors were forced to trade shares for cookies. This bizarre barter system only ended when the IRS got involved.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'shares' actually originated from a group of people who couldn't decide how to split a pizza? The IRS was not amused..
• Headline: SHIELDS CONQUERS MANGIN FOR TITLE; Triumphs, 10-8, 4-6, 6-0, 6-2, to Annex Mason and Dixon Singles Crown. SHIELDS TRIUMPHS TO TAKE NET TITLE. Impact: Shields' victory at the Mason and Dixon Singles Crown inspired a future generation of tennis players to believe that they could also triumph over their biggest adversary: the neighbor's dog who always stole their tennis balls.. Fact: Did you know that tennis matches have been known to end in dramatic fashion? Just ask Shields; he probably had to fight off a whole crowd of overly enthusiastic fans..
• Headline: UTILITIES TO RESIST POLITICAL CRITICS; Prepared to Refute Public Utterances Embracing Misstatements. TO DEFEND THEIR RECORDS Construction and Financing Largely Finished -- Tennessee River Bills Watched.. Impact: Utilities trying to resist political critics led to the implementation of 'Liar Liar' pants-on-fire laws that made it illegal for politicians to wear anything but the most transparent clothing. Ironically, no one could ever find the right fit.. Fact: Did you know that utilities have a long history of spinning stories? Much like a good politician, they can make anything sound like a positive!.
• Headline: ELMIRARAID SHOWS PIPE LINE IN SEWER; Briggs Brewery, Seized Third Time, and Warehouse Contain Huge Distilling Plants. TRACED BY GANG SLAYING " Balance Sheet" in Safe of Hassell and Greenberg at Elizabeth Uncovers Alcohol Profits.. Impact: The Elmira raid uncovered a vast distilling operation that sparked a national debate on whether 'sewer whiskey' should be a legitimate category in the alcohol industry. Spoiler: it wasn’t.. Fact: Did you know that 'sewer whiskey' is not just a clever name? It’s a warning label disguised as a marketing strategy..