APRIL 16, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Celebrating America's Natural Monuments. Impact: The preservation of natural monuments led to the rise of eco-tourism, which, in turn, inspired an entire generation of influencers to take selfies in front of majestic rocks instead of doing anything meaningful for the environment. Thanks, nature!. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more cherished than natural monuments is the Instagram filter that enhances their beauty?.
• Headline: New York Nursery's Financial Aid Success. Impact: This drastic economy in New York's nursery sector somehow led to an increase in houseplants as people decided to fill their homes with greenery instead of dealing with actual human interaction. Thanks for the free aid!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more drastic than their economy was the number of indoor plants that became the new 'roommates' for lonely New Yorkers..
• Headline: Evergreens Transform Garden Spaces. Impact: The planting of seedling trees to beautify gardens inadvertently led to the rise of suburban tree-huggers who now hold weekly meetings on the virtues of mulch. Who knew it would come to this?. Fact: Did you know that evergreens are basically the hipsters of the plant world? They've been around forever and still think they're unique!.
• Headline: DETROIT OFFICIALS TO SEE BANKERS FIRST; Second Meeting Here on Monday on $50,000,000 Refunding With Institutions.. Impact: The meeting between Detroit officials and bankers paved the way for the modern era of corporate bailouts, creating a future where companies could fail spectacularly and still get a golden parachute. Hooray for capitalism!. Fact: Did you know that this meeting probably had more drama than a reality TV show? Spoiler: everyone walked away richer!.
• Headline: INSULL FEES TOTAL $405,300 IN A YEAR; Final Sum Paid Receivers and Lawyers May Be 8 Times Amount at Anniversary. MILLIONS ARE HELD SAVED Those Handling Affairs of Some of the Defunct Concerns Have Found Their Tills Empty.. Impact: The outrageous fees paid to receivers and lawyers set the precedent for future corporate scandals, leading to the widespread belief that the only thing more lucrative than being a CEO is being the lawyer of one. Cha-ching!. Fact: Did you know that this amount is equivalent to the GDP of a small country? Who knew lawyers could be so... well, rich?.
• Headline: HUSTON NAMED IN INQUIRY; Big Fees Alleged to Ex-Chairman of Republicans in Chicago Case.. Impact: Huston's alleged fees in the inquiry sparked a nationwide trend of political corruption allegations, proving once again that the only thing politicians love more than power is money. Shocking, I know!. Fact: Did you know that if you put all the politicians who mishandled funds in one room, they could have their own reality show called 'Real Corrupt Politicians of America'?.
• Headline: CITY TAX PAYMENTS RISE.; $27,000,000 in Ten Days, Says O'Brlen, Disputing Talk of Deficit.. Impact: The rise in city tax payments indicated a brief moment of fiscal responsibility that would soon be squandered on extravagant municipal projects, leading to the infamous saying, 'Let them eat cake... and pay taxes!'. Fact: Did you know that tax payments are the adult version of paying for a ticket to a concert you secretly hate? Welcome to the show!.
• Headline: FOREST BANKRUPTCY IN AMERICA. Each State's Own Story. By Lieut. Col. George P. Ahern. Foreword by the Hon. Gifford Pinchot. 319pp. Washington, D.C.: The Green Lamp League. $2.. Impact: The examination of forest bankruptcy underscored the need for sustainable practices, leading to a future where everyone pretended they cared about the environment while sipping on non-biodegradable coffee cups. Progress!. Fact: Did you know that forest bankruptcy sounds like a terrible band name? 'Coming soon to a venue near you!'.
• Headline: 25 Defendants in Vote Frauds Vanish; Medalie Says Many Are Hiding in Canada; 25 ARE FUGITIVES IN ELECTION CASES. Impact: The vanishing defendants in vote fraud cases set off a game of hide-and-seek that lasted decades, eventually inspiring a new genre of political thrillers. Spoiler alert: they never got found!. Fact: Did you know that hiding in Canada is the go-to move for any fugitive? It's practically a rite of passage!.