APRIL 8, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: City College Musical Farce Premiere. Impact: The performance sparked a chain reaction of student-led musicals, leading to an unforeseen explosion of creativity that ultimately birthed the 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' decades later. The world was never the same again, thanks to a few disgruntled undergrads and their questionable understanding of satire. Fact: Did you know that this musical was so good it made faculty members question their life choices? Just kidding, they probably just asked for a raise.
• Headline: Jersey Municipalities Cut Costs Significantly. Impact: The $11 million saved inadvertently resulted in a budget surplus that funded the construction of the world's most unnecessary statue—'The Giant Fork of New Jersey'—which still haunts the state to this day. Fact: New Jersey municipalities saving money? I guess miracles do happen, but don’t get too comfortable, it’s probably just a temporary glitch in the matrix.
• Headline: Lehman’s Beer Proposal Rejected in 1933. Impact: The failure to pass Lehman's beer proposal led to a statewide rise in home brewing, starting a revolution that would eventually result in craft breweries dominating the landscape, and leading to the hipster invasion of the 21st century. Fact: Politics and beer: two things that never mix well, unless you count the 'political beer pong' tournaments that are definitely not a thing—yet.
• Headline: BARS "GREEN PASTURES."; The Norwegian National Theatre Rejects American Play.. Impact: This rejection set off a decades-long feud between American playwrights and Norwegian theater critics, ultimately resulting in a bizarre cultural exchange where all Norwegian plays became inexplicably obsessed with the concept of 'cheese.'. Fact: The only thing scarier than a rejected play is a Norwegian playwright with a grudge. Just be glad they didn’t start writing operas about it.
• Headline: SHUBERT REGAINS THEATRE CONTROL; Newly Formed Company Buys Properties for $400,000 at Receivers' Auction. 28 HOUSES ARE INVOLVED $40,000 Paid In to Bind Purchase -- Stockholders In Company to Be Revealed Later.. Impact: The Shubert acquisition led to a monopoly on Broadway that allowed them to single-handedly decide which shows were 'worthy' of being seen, resulting in the bizarre phenomenon of 'Cats' running for decades. Because why not?. Fact: Shubert can buy a theatre for $400,000, but still can’t buy a sense of originality. Just wait until the next 'Cats' revival.
• Headline: CANAL ZONE AIDS SCHLEY.; Early Confirmation as Governor Is Urged on Senate.. Impact: The Senate's delay in confirming Schley resulted in a bureaucratic circus that inadvertently inspired a generation of comedic politicians, leading to the rise of mockumentaries in the 21st century. Who knew a canal could lead to comedy gold?. Fact: The Canal Zone: where political appointments go to die. It’s like a bureaucratic Bermuda Triangle.
• Headline: SUN LIFE TOPS A.T. & T. LIST; Many of Utility's Large Holders Reduced Totals of Shares in Year.. Impact: This corporate shake-up led to an unforeseen shift in the balance of power in the stock market, giving rise to the first 'day traders' who thought they could just sit at home and play the stock market like a video game. Spoiler alert: they lost a lot. Fact: Sun Life taking the lead over A.T. & T? Sounds like a classic case of 'anything but that overly complicated phone bill.'.
• Headline: W.D. Mltchell Joins State Bar.. Impact: Mitchell’s entry into the State Bar inadvertently inspired a series of legal dramas that would dominate television for decades. Who knew one man’s ambition could lead to so many courtroom shows?. Fact: W.D. Mitchell joining the bar? Ah, the more lawyers, the merrier. Just don’t ask them for advice unless you have a second mortgage.