MARCH 28, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Japan Threatens Action Over Great Wall Tensions. Impact: Had Japan invaded North China, we might have seen a very different world map, with sushi bars in every corner of the globe and a new global sport: 'Great Wall Climbing.'. Fact: Did you know that Chiang Kai-shek loved to play hide and seek? Unfortunately, he was really bad at hiding when it came to conflicts..
• Headline: Municipal Loan Bond Award Announcement. Impact: This obscure bond issue might have sparked a chain reaction leading to the modern-day obsession with municipal bonds, proving that sometimes, boredom can change the world.. Fact: Municipal loans: the adult equivalent of trading Pokémon cards but with far less fun and a lot more paperwork..
• Headline: UNITED FRONT' DENIED HERE; Administration Repeats It Has Not Considered Mandate Issue.. Impact: If the U.S. had united with China and Germany, we might have been celebrating 'International Confusion Day' instead of having a clear historical narrative.. Fact: The only thing more confusing than this 'united front' was trying to explain it to your grandparents at Thanksgiving dinner..
• Headline: Kohnstamm Will Aids Public.. Impact: The probate of this will might have inadvertently inspired countless people to draft their own wills, leading to a spike in DIY death planning.. Fact: Writing a will is like making a playlist: you think you know what you want until you realize you forgot your favorite songs... or in this case, assets..
• Headline: We Ask Only for the Right,' Says Wise. Impact: If Wise had rallied the masses back then, we might have witnessed a civil rights movement decades earlier, or at least a very awkward family reunion.. Fact: Wise’s protest against anti-Semitism was like trying to convince a cat that water is good—some folks just wouldn't get it..
• Headline: Waiter, at 83, Made Guest of Parker House; Ex-Slave Has Not Missed a Day in 58 Years. Impact: The dedication of this waiter might have inspired future generations to take their jobs more seriously, or at least to think twice before calling in sick.. Fact: Imagine waiting tables for 58 years—talk about a dedicated employee. Just think of all the stories he could tell... if he wasn't too busy working!.
• Headline: HOME BREWER PROTESTS.; Holds Beer Bill as Interpreted Violates Bill of Rights.. Impact: This protest likely led to a renaissance of home brewing, ultimately leading to the craft beer explosion and a national obsession with artisanal hops.. Fact: Home brewers are the only people who can turn their kitchen into a 'brewery' and still be considered responsible adults... until the neighbors complain..
• Headline: RHODES SCHOLARS PLAN FIRST REUNION; Association Hopes to Bring Entire Group Together at Swarthmore in June.. Impact: This reunion could have paved the way for future gatherings of highly educated people who talk over each other about their impressive accomplishments.. Fact: Rhodes Scholars: the only group that makes a reunion sound like a TED Talk with slightly less awkwardness and slightly more networking..