MARCH 25, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Shipping Subsidy Defense by R.J. Baker. Impact: Because of this shipping subsidy, an unforeseen boom in the maritime industry led to the invention of the world's first 'cruise ship for cats' decades later. Thank you, R.J. Baker, for putting feline leisure on the high seas!. Fact: Did you know that without subsidies, we might still be using rowboats for international trade? Just kidding, but it sure wouldn't be pretty!.
• Headline: Stock Changes in Addressograph-Multigraph. Impact: This change in stock prices eventually led to a rise in hedge fund managers who think they can outsmart the market. Spoiler alert: they can't.. Fact: Addressograph-Multigraph sounds like a fancy new cocktail, but it's actually just a company trying to fix their financial hangover..
• Headline: Mrs. Plaut Wins Divorce in Bridgeport. Impact: Mrs. Plaut's divorce set a precedent that inspired future reality TV shows about breakups, leading us down the rabbit hole of watching strangers' messy lives for entertainment.. Fact: Divorce courts have been around longer than many realize, proving that some things never change—like the chaos of relationships!.
• Headline: JEWS IN REICH DENY ATROCITIES BY NAZIS; Society With 60,000 Members Accuses Foreign Press of 'Inexcusable Distortions.' 4-YEAR PLAN' LAUNCHED Hitler Raises Duty on Butter Substitutes and Assumes Control of Production. JEWS IN REICH DENY ATROCITIES BY NAZIS. Impact: The denial of Nazi atrocities sparked a long game of 'telephone' where misinformation became a tool for propaganda, eventually leading to the phrase 'fake news' being coined decades later.. Fact: It's ironic that a society claiming distortion was merely distorting reality themselves. History really has a sense of humor..
• Headline: SAYS SCIENCE POINTS TO NEW SPIRITUALITY; Dr. John H. Finley Asserts in Coast Speech That Era Is 'Dawn of Paradise Regained.'. Impact: Dr. Finley's vision of a new spirituality paved the way for the rise of self-help books and overpriced wellness retreats, leaving us questioning if paradise was ever really regained.. Fact: The 'dawn of paradise regained' sounds lovely, but I think we’re still waiting for that sunrise—possibly in a yoga class..
• Headline: JohnsonuBarden.. Impact: Johnson and Barden's engagement likely led to the establishment of countless awkward family dinners and holiday gatherings, where everyone pretends to care about their love story.. Fact: Engagements are just the prelude to the real drama: wedding planning. Good luck!.
• Headline: Taller Policemen Required.. Impact: The requirement for taller policemen inadvertently led to a spike in shoe sales, creating a niche market for 'cop shoes' that are at least a foot tall.. Fact: Who knew that height requirements could lead to a fashion revolution? Next up: police uniforms designed by runway models!.
• Headline: DR. SCHROEDER'S JOB WIPED OUT BY BOARD; Bill Now Goes to Aldermen -- No Successor Picked -- Taxi Commission Abolished. $12,286,834 LOAN TO CITY Banks' Short-Term Advance Will Permit the Payment of Condemnation Awards. SCHROEDER'S POST WIPED OUT BY VOTE. Impact: The abolition of the taxi commission inadvertently encouraged the rise of ridesharing apps, proving that when one door closes, an Uber opens.. Fact: A city without a taxi commission sounds like a wild west—watch out for those rogue taxi drivers!.
• Headline: FAMOUS PAINTING GOING TO TEXAS.. Impact: The famous painting heading to Texas might have sparked a cultural renaissance in the Lone Star State, leading to the rise of art appreciation among cowboys.. Fact: Texas may be known for its BBQ, but who knew it was also a future art capital? Eat your heart out, New York!.