MARCH 17, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: First Draft of India's Federal Constitution. Impact: This white paper is like the first domino in a chain reaction that leads to India’s independence. Imagine a young Gandhi reading it and thinking, 'Well, this is just an invitation to a party I’m definitely not showing up to!'. Fact: The British never quite understood that you can't just toss a constitution at a country and expect it to be grateful. It's like giving someone a gift card to a store they despise..
• Headline: Amherst College Changes Curriculum Requirements. Impact: By dropping English as a requirement, Amherst College may have inadvertently set off a chain reaction of students majoring in obscure subjects like 'Underwater Basket Weaving' and 'Philosophy of Napping'.. Fact: Amherst students can now focus on their true passions—like perfecting the art of procrastination instead of Shakespeare..
• Headline: Senate Passes Beer Bill Amid Debate. Impact: The passage of the Beer Bill might have inadvertently sparked a global brewing revolution. Who knew that a bunch of senators debating the merits of 3.02% beer would lead to craft breweries popping up everywhere like mushrooms after rain?. Fact: A six-hour debate about beer? Sounds like a Tuesday night at a college dorm, but with more suits and less pizza..
• Headline: J.T. Gibbs Gets Conservation Post. Impact: J.T. Gibbs getting the conservation post is like giving a toddler the keys to a candy store. Suddenly, conservation efforts become a wild, unpredictable ride, with trees and wildlife getting a makeover.. Fact: Gibbs' appointment probably meant he was the first person to realize that 'conservation' doesn't mean 'let’s leave everything alone and hope for the best'..
• Headline: Farm Bill Summary. Impact: This Farm Bill Summary was the precursor to every complicated agricultural policy that would follow, leading to the great debates over corn subsidies and the eternal question: 'Why is everything so expensive?'. Fact: Farm bills: where the only thing more convoluted than the language is the actual process of farming itself..
• Headline: Alcoholic Content.. Impact: The discussion on the Prohibition modification act would eventually lead to a resurgence of speakeasies, flappers, and a collective national hangover that lasted decades.. Fact: Prohibition: when the government decided it was better to let people drink in secret than to have a good time in public..
• Headline: FINAL TRIBUTE PAID TO DEACONESS YOUNG; Rev. Dr. G. T. B. Sargent Recalls Long Service of Noted Welfare Worker and Missionary.. Impact: Final tribute to Deaconess Young reminds us that history is shaped by individuals who impact their communities, potentially leading to the establishment of welfare programs that continue to evolve.. Fact: Deaconess Young’s legacy shows that some people are just destined to be the superheroes of social work—cape optional..
• Headline: VOTES BRITISH NAVY FUND; Commons Approves Admiralty's Estimate of $185,880,000.. Impact: The British Navy Fund approval was a signal that the naval arms race was heating up, foreshadowing maritime conflicts where everyone forgot that water is wet and ships float.. Fact: The British Navy: proving that when in doubt, just throw money at the problem until it floats away... literally..