MARCH 11, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Princeton Freshman Class Leadership Elected. Impact: In a twist of fate, G B Levan Jr's presidency at Princeton led to a chain reaction where future scholars decided to form a secret society dedicated to the study of cheese. This, of course, revolutionized snack breaks in universities across the nation.. Fact: Princeton's presidential elections are so intense, they often involve more drama than a reality TV show finale..
• Headline: Crew Assigned for Dirigible Trials. Impact: The assignment of a crew of 75 for dirigible trials sparked an era of airship enthusiasm, leading to a bizarre competition where towns began hosting dirigible races. The winner received a lifetime supply of cheese puffs.. Fact: Dirigibles are the original flying machines that made humans think the sky was the limit—until they realized it was just a really bad idea..
• Headline: Borglum's Texas Beautification Project. Impact: G Borglum's road beautification project inadvertently inspired future generations to take road trips, which led to the invention of the roadside diner—thus forever altering the American diet.. Fact: Borglum later regretted not carving a giant cheeseburger into Mount Rushmore, thinking it would have been a better tourist attraction..
• Headline: Singer Wins $1,000 In Auto Suit.. Impact: Mrs. W R Kendrick winning a lawsuit against Progressive Grocery Stores sparked a nationwide trend of singers suing for all kinds of ridiculous reasons, eventually leading to the famous case of 'The Singing Sandwich.'. Fact: You can’t always get what you want, but apparently, if you’re a singer, you can sometimes get a whole lot of cash instead..
• Headline: PITTSBURGH PASTOR HELD UP IN CHURCH; Gunmen Get $300 After Binding Clergyman, His Secretary and the Janitor.. Impact: The robbery of Rev Dr G W Shelton in church led to the establishment of the first 'Holy Security' companies, paving the way for the bizarre intersection of crime and religion in America.. Fact: When churches start hiring security, you know society’s gone off the rails. Next up: clergy in bullet-proof vests..
• Headline: FINDS WILD BEASTS ABOUT 95% SAFE; Mrs. Seton Writes Popular Mind Has a False Idea of Their Ferocity. REVENGE AMONG ANIMALS New Book Tells How Elephant Waited Long to Kill Man Who Was Brutal to Him.. Impact: Mrs. Seton's book on wild beasts created a wave of animal rights activism, which ironically inspired a new trend of humans dressing up as animals in public parks, leading to the 'Great Squirrel Parade of 1950.'. Fact: It turns out animals are mostly harmless—unless you accidentally step on their tails, which could lead to a very different kind of revenge story..
• Headline: MISS HELEN THUffl HAS CHURCH BRIDAL; Bayonne Girl Becomes Bride of Herman Lazarus in Ceremony Here. ESCORTED BY HER FATHER Her Sister, Miss Elsa Thum, Is ' Maid of HonoruBridegroom's Brother Is Best Man.. Impact: Miss Helen Thum's wedding inadvertently sparked a decade-long feud between her family and the Lazarus family, resulting in an annual tug-of-war competition that is still celebrated today.. Fact: Weddings: where families come together to celebrate love… and then spend the next ten years competing in a tug-of-war. Sounds fun, right?.
• Headline: ASSAILS FRENCH SPENDING; Deputy Protests Rise in Chamber's Costs While Civil Pay Is Cut.. Impact: Deputy Lambert's protest against French spending led to a worldwide trend of governmental budget complaints, ultimately resulting in the creation of the widely ignored 'Budgeting for Dummies' guide.. Fact: Politics is like a game of Monopoly; everyone complains about the expenses, but no one wants to actually change the rules..
• Headline: FLOE CARRIES 13 TO SEA.; Sealers Are Trapped Off Newfoundland as Wind Veers.. Impact: The tragedy of 13 sealers trapped at sea led to the creation of the first maritime rescue team, which later inspired the hit series 'Deadliest Catch,' making crab fishing the new reality TV goldmine.. Fact: When you get trapped at sea, it’s not just about survival; it’s about who gets to tell the best story on Instagram later..