JANUARY 21, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: City Bureau Reductions Spark Controversy. Impact: The dismantling of these bureaus created a bureaucratic black hole, resulting in chaos that led to the rise of artisanal taxi services and a new breed of 'freelance urban planners' who charged exorbitant fees for their unsolicited advice.. Fact: If you think your city's planning department is inefficient now, just wait until you see what happens when it's run by someone without a degree in planning—or any degree at all, for that matter!.
• Headline: Crehore Receives French Cross of Honor. Impact: The awarding of the French Cross led to a secret society of mustachioed officers, who believed that winning medals could grant them powers of persuasion in banter and brunch discussions across Europe.. Fact: The French Cross is not just a shiny piece of metal; it’s also the reason why many French officers have impeccable taste in wine and baguettes!.
• Headline: Honor for Mrs. P.S. Buck. Impact: This luncheon sparked a literary revolution, inspiring future writers to include more existential crises in their works, resulting in an endless cycle of angst-ridden novels that would make even the most stoic reader weep.. Fact: Fannie Hurst and co. might have praised Mrs. Buck, but I bet they were just trying to get on her good side for a potential book club invite..
• Headline: $5,000,000 IS VOTED BY CITY FOR RELIEF; Sum Is $1,000,000 Less Than That Asked by Gibson for Jobless in February. STATE TO PAY 40% OF IT Committee Had Warned That Lowering of Fund Would Cause Wide Distress. PLEA BASED ON SURVEY Estimate Board Fails to Act on 3-Month Appropriation -- Police to Give $10,000 Jan. 28.. Impact: The city’s decision to cut relief funds created a ripple effect, as desperate citizens began forming underground barter markets that eventually led to the rise of hipster artisans selling handcrafted goods made from recycled materials.. Fact: When you think about it, $5 million for relief is like trying to fill the Grand Canyon with a single bucket of water. Good luck with that!.
• Headline: BANKERS WARNED OF INFLATION PERIL; F.H. Sisson Tells State Group Confidence Built on Present System Is Chief Need. LOAN PUBLICITY ASSAILED Association Contends Benefit of R.F.C. Aid Is Offset by Making It Known. GLASS BILL IS ENDORSED But Separate Enaction of Branch Banking Is Favored, and Then Only on State-Wide Basis. BANKERS WARNED OF INFLATION PERIL. Impact: This warning about inflation had a butterfly effect, causing bankers to hoard gold and eventually inspire a generation of conspiracy theorists who believed they could predict the future by analyzing the price of toast.. Fact: The R.F.C. aid is like a bad haircut; it seems like a good idea at the time but just ends up making things worse..
• Headline: GOLD REPURCHASE DENIED IN LONDON; Financial District Also Scouts Report of Earmarking There for Federal Reserve. VIEW HERE IS UNCHANGED Bankers Say Bank of England's Report Could Not Show Last Transaction.. Impact: The denial of the gold repurchase turned into a financial scandal that led to a secret poker game among bankers, resulting in the first instance of 'golden bluff' in financial history.. Fact: The Bank of England's report could not show the last transaction, but I hear it involved a very confused squirrel and a lot of shiny coins..
• Headline: Widow Ends Life In Jersey Home.. Impact: The tragic loss of life became a catalyst for mental health awareness, spurring future generations to discuss suicide and support systems, leading to an increase in community outreach programs.. Fact: Suicide is a heavy topic, but the more we talk about it, the more we can help those who are struggling. Remember: it's okay to not be okay..
• Headline: OLD AUTOMOBILE CLUB WILL BE REORGANIZED; Pioneer Group of Motorists, Dissolved Because of Slump, to Have New Quarters.. Impact: The reorganization of the old automobile club paved the way for a resurgence in car culture, leading to the eventual rise of road trip playlists and an obsession with vintage vehicles that remains today.. Fact: The old automobile club was probably just a bunch of guys standing around talking about how much better cars were in their day—classic nostalgia!.