JANUARY 12, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Musical Morning with Supervia and Salvi. Impact: This delightful morning of music inspired a future generation of artists to believe that breakfast should always involve a live orchestra, leading to an absurd trend of people serenading their eggs and toast.. Fact: In the 21st century, people still think a good playlist is enough to make their morning coffee taste better. Spoiler: it’s not..
• Headline: Yale Students Present 'The King's Coat'. Impact: This portrayal set off a chain reaction of dramatizations, leading to a world where every historical figure has at least three biopics and a Netflix special, making it impossible to keep track of who did what.. Fact: Yale students are known for their theatrical flair, but their ability to turn anything into a martyrdom saga could earn them an award in dramatic exaggeration..
• Headline: Villard's Optimism on Germany's Future. Impact: Villard’s optimistic take on Germany's situation led to a brief period of misplaced hope that eventually crumbled, creating a historical irony where foreseeing Hitlerism's decline became a cruel joke.. Fact: Hindsight is 20/20, but it's fascinating how many people thought 'maybe it'll all work out' when history was about to hit the fan..
• Headline: Eilshemius's Adventurous Brash Is Well Indicated in Valentine Gallery Display.. Impact: Eilshemius’s brash style inspired countless artists to embrace their inner wild child, leading to an art movement that confused the public and made gallery openings feel like a circus.. Fact: Art critics love to use the word 'brash.' It’s code for 'I don’t get it, but let’s pretend it’s deep.'.
• Headline: Cullman Pleads for Party Funds.. Impact: Cullman’s desperate plea for funds set a precedent for future politicians to master the art of begging, ultimately leading to the rise of crowdfunding campaigns that now have more emotional appeals than a soap opera.. Fact: The phrase 'party funds' has been known to make politicians sound more like desperate party hosts than serious candidates. Bring your own chips!.
• Headline: City's Army of Clocks Set Going Again When New Official Winder Gets on Job. Impact: The reactivation of the city's clocks inadvertently initiated a timekeeping revolution, leading to a future where people are perpetually late because they can’t handle all this precision.. Fact: With all these clocks, it’s a wonder people still have the audacity to complain about 'time flying.' You literally have a clock for that!.
• Headline: KATHERINE HIGGINS ENGAGED TO WED; Granddaughter of Late Gov- ernor Higgins to Be Bride of H. A. Blundin Saturday. .uuuuuuuuuuuu-uuu. i MEMBER OF JUNIOR LEAGUE Ceremony to Take Place in Home of Mrs. Frank S. Smith, Aunt of the Bride-Elect.. Impact: Katherine's engagement sparked a trend of political dynasties marrying into wealth, thus creating a long-lasting legacy of 'who you know' rather than 'what you know' in politics.. Fact: Engagement announcements used to be a big deal—now they’re just another excuse for social media to explode with wedding hashtags..
• Headline: Will Rogers Again Falls Back On the Press for Ammunition. Impact: Rogers’ reliance on the press for witty commentary paved the way for future comedians and pundits to realize that newspapers are the ultimate source of comedy gold—until social media took over, of course.. Fact: Will Rogers was the original 'Twitter user,' crafting his commentary in 280 characters or less, long before it was cool..
• Headline: CULLMAN CRITICIZES R.F.C. ON CITY TUBE; ' Exorbitant' Interest Rates Block Manhattan-Jersey Link, Port official Says at Harvard.. Impact: Cullman’s critique led to an ongoing saga of politicians blaming interest rates for infrastructure issues, resulting in a future where every time a tunnel is built, someone mentions 'exorbitant rates' as if it’s a magic spell.. Fact: Political speeches have historically been filled with complaints about interest rates, making them the boring equivalent of a sitcom’s laugh track—always present, rarely funny..