JANUARY 6, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Utilities and Public Accountability in 1933. Impact: Little did anyone know that the mutual willingness to abide by facts in utilities would lead to the eventual invention of the 'fact-checking' industry, which in turn would spark endless debates on social media and a new form of public entertainment—arguing with strangers online. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more unpredictable than utilities prices is the willingness of people to accept them without complaint? Spoiler: it's a very short list.
• Headline: Union Affray Indictment Sparks Trial. Impact: The indictment of a waiter in a union affray led to a significant uptick in the 'waiter rights' movement, which ultimately resulted in the establishment of mandatory 'no-shooting' policies in all restaurants—turns out shooting isn't great for business. Fact: Fun fact: this was the first time a waiter realized that serving up a side of violence with their meals wasn’t exactly what the customers were looking for.
• Headline: Distress Grows: Job Report Highlights Need. Impact: This job report prompted a nationwide 'let's make everything better' campaign that somehow ended with people wearing matching t-shirts and singing songs about the importance of employment—because nothing says 'I want a job' like a poorly choreographed dance number. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'Canvassers urged to speed efforts' was just corporate speak for 'We need you to annoy people faster'?.
• Headline: DEBTS AND DEPRESSIONS.; Observations on the One and Advice for Avoiding the Other.. Impact: The discussion on debts and depressions inadvertently sparked the modern-day obsession with self-help seminars, leading to an entire industry focused on avoiding life's problems by selling overpriced books and motivational speeches, because who needs practical solutions when you can just 'manifest' your way out?. Fact: Did you know that the best way to avoid debt is to never spend money? Who knew frugality could be so boring?.
• Headline: BRITISH NOBLEMEN HERE.; Duke of Sutherland and Earl of Warwick Going Fishing.. Impact: The Duke of Sutherland and Earl of Warwick going fishing set a precedent for future nobility to take extended vacations while the common folk dealt with their everyday struggles—thus creating the idea of 'wealthy escapism' that still exists today. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever feel bad about your fishing skills, just remember that the Duke has people to do that for him. It's called 'nobility'.
• Headline: Smoking In Theatres.. Impact: The protests against smoking in theaters unintentionally led to the rise of a new generation of theater-goers who would rather choke on bad plotlines than tobacco smoke—thus ensuring that the only thing that would kill you at the movies would be the writing. Fact: Did you know that smoking in theaters was once so common that it was considered part of the cinematic experience? Nothing says 'art' like a cloud of smoke!.
• Headline: Topics of The Times. Impact: The discussions surrounding the Electoral College would eventually lead to an increase in conspiracy theories about how it was all a grand plot to keep certain people in power—because who doesn't love a good conspiracy theory to spice up their day?. Fact: Did you know that the Electoral College was created so that everyone could feel equally disenfranchised? It's the ultimate political equalizer!.
• Headline: TANGLE OVER AUTO PLATES; Private Rental Cars Permitted to Use 1932 Tags Till Feb. 28.. Impact: Allowing private rental cars to use old tags paved the way for the modern practice of 'creative license plate management', where people would do anything to avoid the DMV, thus leading to a rise in the underground world of fake tags—because who wants to wait in line?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing worse than using outdated license plates is the DMV itself. It's like a horror movie but with more paperwork.
• Headline: STARLING INVASION A POLICE PROBLEM; 5th Av. Dwellers Find Sleep Elusive as 50,000 Chirp an Ail-Night Symphony. MUSEUM IS THEIR HAVEN Crowds Gather at Sundown to Watch Feathered Chorus Form Above Limestone Ledgea.. Impact: The starling invasion turned into a historic moment that made urban birds the new mascots of chaos, leading to a surge in birdwatching tourism that would eventually see an entire economy dedicated to the appreciation of noisy, messy creatures—thank you, starlings!. Fact: Did you know that the collective noun for starlings is a 'murmuration'? Sounds fancy, but it really just means 'a lot of birds making a lot of noise'.
• Headline: PARIS HOLDS BORAH SUPPORTS ITS VIEW; But Looks in Vain for Some Indication in Debt Debate of What to Expect. LIKELY TO BLAME HOOVER France Undoubtedly Will Make Him Scapegoat When the Negotiations Are Begun. DOLLAR FALLS TO 25.575 Goes Below Gold Point From French Point of View -- Drop Laid to Devaluation Proposals.. Impact: The blame placed on Hoover for debt negotiations set off a domino effect of political scapegoating that continues to this day, ensuring that future leaders will always have someone to point fingers at, regardless of their actual performance in office. Fact: Did you know that the act of blaming Hoover became so popular that it’s now considered a national pastime? Forget baseball; it’s all about the blame game!.