JANUARY 1, 1933

Full News Archive

• Headline: Prisoners Celebrate New Year at Sing Sing. Impact: The prisoners ringing in the New Year led to the establishment of a 'Prisoner New Year's Eve Party Planning Committee,' which then inspired future inmates to start their own events, culminating in a reality show that takes place in various prisons - because who doesn't want to see the latest in prison party decor?. Fact: Prisoners celebrating New Year's is the original 'party on a budget' concept. Who knew handcuffs could be so festive?.
• Headline: Geography's Transformation Post-War. Impact: Geography classes took a turn for the chaotic; students could never trust a map again after realizing it could be outdated by lunch. This spurred the creation of the 'Map Update App' that never made it past beta due to constant geopolitical shifts.. Fact: The only thing more unstable than post-war geography is the stock market during a recession..
• Headline: SCHOOL HEADS URGED TO EFFECT SAVINGS; O'Shea Suggests Economies in Mailing, Printing, Phone Calls and Mimeographing.. Impact: O'Shea's suggestions to save on mailing and printing led to a revolution in postal service efficiency, resulting in the rise of 'snail mail' becoming a hipster trend, where people pay extra to send letters via horse-drawn carriage.. Fact: Thanks to O'Shea's frugality, schools eventually adopted the motto: 'Why spend more when you can spend less and still get the same amount of complaints?'.
• Headline: Opera Aids Knights of Columbus. Impact: The benefit performance for the Knights of Columbus turned into an annual opera gala that was so extravagant, it caused a national shortage of tuxedos. Who knew charity could be so chic?. Fact: Don Giovanni has been performed so many times that it has more sequels than most Hollywood blockbusters. Seriously, can we get a break from the same old tales?.
• Headline: COALITION TO FIGHT TAMMANY PLANNED; Independent Democrats Are Urged to Join Forces With Republicans and Socialists. CURRY READY TO HIT BACK Organization 'War Board' to Oppose All Reforms Except Those of O'Brien. COALITION TO FIGHT TAMMANY SOUGHT. Impact: The coalition against Tammany sparked a series of political rivalries that eventually led to the invention of the phrase 'politics as usual,' which has been used ever since to describe the complete lack of actual change.. Fact: Nothing screams 'I care' like forming a coalition and then doing absolutely nothing. It's practically a political tradition..
• Headline: HEROIC MEASURES TAKEN; Finance Board Is Outstanding in Efforts to Make Headway. CREDIT FACILITIES SPREAD But Revenue Act Fails in Aim to Balance Budget and Economy Plans Fall Short. LEGACIES TO ROOSEVELT War Debt and Tariff Revision, Farm and Dry Issues Left to New Administration. NATION ADVANCES IN FIGHTING SLUMP. Impact: The Finance Board's efforts to combat the depression led to the idea of government bailouts, which have since evolved into the popular party game 'Pass the Debt,' where no one wins and everyone leaves with a headache.. Fact: The only legacy that Roosevelt left behind that people still talk about is the way he managed to make a depression sound like a party theme..
• Headline: BRITAIN SEES DEBT AS YEAR'S PROBLEM; Hope for Revival Is Based Largely on Prospect of Stabilizing Finance. NEW BUILDING ALSO URGED Housing Shortage Regarded as Opportunity to Improve Industry Internally. JOBLESS STILL NEAR PEAK Twelve Months Ago Tariffs and Empire Agreements Were Held Up as Remedies for Ills. BRITAIN SEES DEBT AS YEAR'S PROBLEM. Impact: Britain's struggle with debt led to the creation of countless economic theories, one of which inspired a popular board game called 'Monopoly' - where you can go bankrupt without leaving your living room.. Fact: Turns out, the key to solving economic issues is just as simple as playing a game where you land on 'Go' and collect $200. Who knew?.
• Headline: Soviet Reds Face Purging Uneasily; Fear It May Rival 1921 in Severity; Voluntary Efforts of Members of Communist Party to Push Lenin's New Economic Policy Will Count Most in Annual "Cleansing" of Bolsheviki. SOVIET REDS FACE INQUIRY UNEASILY. Impact: The purging within the Communist Party resulted in an entire generation of overly-cautious political leaders who now fear losing their jobs more than they fear losing their ideals, making for some awkward dinner conversations.. Fact: The last time they tried to cleanse their ranks, it ended with more backsliders than a game of Twister at a family reunion..