DECEMBER 31, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: The MasonuFerris Engagement Announcement. Impact: This engagement likely led to a series of awkward family gatherings that forever changed the dynamics of holiday dinners in the MasonuFerris clan. You can bet Uncle Bob is still complaining about it.. Fact: It's said that every engagement announcement is just a prelude to a series of increasingly expensive wedding gifts. Hope they’re ready for that pressure!.
• Headline: Mount Washington Welcomes New Year with Lights. Impact: This event probably resulted in an influx of tourists who thought they'd see a New Year's miracle, only to find out it was just some lights and a lot of cold air—talk about a letdown.. Fact: Mount Washington is known for its extreme weather. It’s basically the meteorological equivalent of that one friend who shows up to a party, but instead of fun, brings frostbite..
• Headline: WIVES' SCHOOL SET UP BY BACHELORS WILL; Waynesburg (Pa.) Man Leaves Fund to Teach Them Best Ways to Cut Meats.. Impact: This noble initiative undoubtedly led to a ripple effect where bachelors everywhere began to teach women how to cook, thus ensuring they never had to cook for themselves again. Who knew meat cutting could be a power play?. Fact: The only thing worse than a bachelor starting a wives' school is the realization that they probably thought they were doing women a favor. Thanks for the lessons, guys!.
• Headline: MRS. H.W. ADAMS A SUICIDE; Member of Prominent Naugatuck Family Was in III Health.. Impact: This tragic event highlights the historical stigma surrounding mental health. If only we could time travel to provide those in distress with the support and resources they needed.. Fact: During this time, mental health was often misunderstood and poorly treated. It’s a sad reminder that even in the past, people were struggling, often alone..
• Headline: 2 SAVINGS BANKS IN BROOKLYN UNITE; Lincoln and Fort Hamilton Institutions Are Merged Under Former's Name. WILL RETAIN EMPLOYES 160,000 Depositors, $123,000,000 Assets and Four Branches Reported as Result.. Impact: This merger probably set the stage for future banking trends where size equated to security—because nothing says 'trust us with your money' like a giant institution named after a long-dead president.. Fact: Bank mergers are like relationships; they often start with a lot of promise and end with someone feeling robbed..
• Headline: CHESS TITLE KEPT BY C.C.N.Y. TEAM; Champions Beat N.Y.U. in Final Round to Annex 32d Tourney of League. FIRST DEFEAT FOR LOSERS Finish Second, With Columbia and Brooklyn College Tied for Third Place.. Impact: This victory likely inspired generations of chess enthusiasts, leading to an entire culture of competitive chess that makes even the most thrilling sports seem dull by comparison. Who doesn't love a good knight's move?. Fact: Chess has been around for over a thousand years, and yet it still takes an hour to explain the rules to someone who just wants to play..
• Headline: POSTOFFICE SITE VACATED TODAY; Government Ready to Take Over Downtown Block for $6,000,000 Building. RAZING WILL BEGIN SOON Journal of Commerce, Only Tenant Left-on Tract, Gets Stay Until Feb. 14 to Transfer Plant.. Impact: This decision likely sparked a trend of urban renewal projects that transformed cities into sterile, cookie-cutter developments, proving that progress often comes at the expense of character.. Fact: Razing buildings is like a breakup: sometimes you just have to tear it all down to start fresh, even if it leaves a gaping hole in your heart—or, in this case, your skyline..
• Headline: SCHLEY RETURNS TO CANAL; Governor of Panama Zone Spent Month on Business Here.. Impact: Schley’s return may have rekindled interest in the Panama Canal, leading to all kinds of geopolitical maneuvering that would eventually result in coffee shortages in the U.S. Who knew a canal could lead to caffeine crises?. Fact: The Panama Canal has been a hotbed of political intrigue, and yet somehow, all we can think about is how it diminishes shipping times for our online shopping addiction..
• Headline: Dill Proposes That Senators Test 3.2 Beer By Observing Effects on Jury of Tasters. Impact: This proposal is likely the genesis of many a political debate, where the emphasis on the effects of alcohol led to the eventual rise of the 'drinking buddy' as a political consultant. Cheers to democracy!. Fact: Nothing screams 'serious legislation' like testing beer on jury members. Because if there’s one thing we need in politics, it’s a little more intoxication!.