NOVEMBER 28, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tax on Homicide Proposal Gains Attention. Impact: If murder had a tax, maybe the tax code would inspire a new genre of crime drama where accountants moonlight as hitmen, leading to a surge in tax-related thrillers. Who knew we could have tax season fears and fear of assassination all at once?. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more complicated than tax codes are the excuses people come up with to justify their questionable choices? Taxing murder might just send the wrong message about fiscal responsibility..
• Headline: FOR DEBT CANCELLATION.; That, It Is Held, Would Bring Relief From World Misery.. Impact: The call for debt cancellation could have inspired a global movement where instead of paying off debts, people just started a 'forgive and forget' policy, leading to a world where the economy is based on goodwill instead of currency.. Fact: Did you know that 'forgive and forget' sounds great until you try to apply it to your student loans? Sadly, those don't just disappear with a heartfelt apology..
• Headline: Aspects of the Refusal to Defer War Debt Payments -- Response of Last Week's Markets.. Impact: Debating the refusal to defer war debt payments could have led to a world where financial arguments were settled with chess matches, and bankers became the new celebrity athletes, making Wall Street the new Hollywood.. Fact: Did you know that the stock market is just a glorified game of musical chairs? When the music stops, someone always ends up on the floor wondering what just happened..
• Headline: BANK READY TO LEND $5,000,000 TO THE CITY; Relief Needs for December Said to Be Extent of Aid Available Under Present Conditions. BERRY'S REPORT IS AWAITED McKee's Special Committee Is Expected to Hear Status of Finances Tomorrow. NEED FOR LOANS REPORTED Amount Put as High as $75,000,000 -- Grimm Demands New Economies -- O'Brien's Policy Ridiculed.. Impact: The bank's willingness to lend millions could have set off a chain reaction of financial institutions fighting for the title of 'Most Generous Bank,' leading to an annual awards show where bankers flex their lending muscles.. Fact: Did you know that banks lending money is just like a parent giving their kid a credit card? It sounds nice until you see the bills pile up and realize someone’s going to need to learn about budgeting—fast..
• Headline: Would Restore Trade.. Impact: The discussion on restoring trade could have led to a future where bartering becomes the norm again, resulting in people trading chickens for wifi passwords and everyone's social skills regressing to medieval levels.. Fact: Did you know that the last time bartering was a thing, people were more concerned about getting their crops in than their tweets out? Sometimes simpler really is better—unless you really need that avocado toast..