SEPTEMBER 28, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Crisp Appointed to Tariff Board. Impact: Crisp's appointment led to a series of tariff decisions that eventually caused international trade disputes, resulting in a future where coffee was traded more like an illicit substance than a morning pick-me-up. Who knew morning rituals could spark global chaos?. Fact: Did you know that in 20 years, Crisp's biggest contribution to Congress was probably just figuring out the best coffee brand for late-night sessions?.
• Headline: Devastating Hurricane Strikes Puerto Rico. Impact: The hurricane's destruction prompted an international aid response that forever changed how disaster relief is organized, leading to future events like the absurdity of people tweeting about natural disasters while sipping iced lattes.. Fact: You know what they say, when life gives you hurricanes, make sure to have a backup plan—or at least a good Wi-Fi connection to post about it..
• Headline: Lone Sailor's Record Attempt in 1932. Impact: The lone sailor's quest for record-breaking fame inadvertently led to a future of reality TV shows where people seek fame for doing absolutely nothing—thank you, Norwegian sailor, for paving the way for the Kardashians.. Fact: Fun fact: Sailing alone is actually a great metaphor for most of our lives—just you, the sea, and your questionable choices..
• Headline: ART; Gardens by Mrs. Flanders.. Impact: Mrs. Flanders' garden exhibition ignited an obsession with urban gardening that would lead to the eventual rise of hipster farmers' markets and the proliferation of overpriced heirloom tomatoes.. Fact: Did you know that gardens were once a symbol of wealth? Now they just symbolize that you have too much time on your hands and a penchant for dirt..
• Headline: Gain in Gold $4,183,700.. Impact: The sudden gold gain set off a wild goose chase for hidden treasure that would inspire countless pirate movies and conspiracy theories about gold-laden aliens. Spoiler alert: they never actually show up.. Fact: Did you know that $4 million in gold is basically just a fancy way of saying 'my retirement plan is a little shaky'?.
• Headline: FREE STATE TRADE OFF 38 PER CENT IN AUGUST; For First Eight Months of 1932 Imports Show Drop of 7 Per Cent and Exports 22 Per Cent.. Impact: The drastic drop in trade set off a chain reaction that led to the development of the concept of 'economic experts,' who now spend their time predicting the future with about as much accuracy as a weather forecast.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'free trade' was just code for 'let's make things confusing and blame it on the economy'?.
• Headline: ROOSEVELT ASKS AGAIN FOR SUPPORT OF ALL 'LIBERALS'; " Democrats Are Progressive," He Says, Seeing No Room for Two Conservative Parties. CUTTING GREETS NOMINEE Senator, Who Leads Bolting New Mexico Republicans, Says "Actions" Reveal His Stand. NORRIS MEETING IS SET Governor Will Meet Nebraska Insurgent Today -- Plans to Attend Cub-Yankee Game in Chicago. ROOSEVELT RENEWS PLEA TO 'LIBERALS'. Impact: Roosevelt's desperate pleas for support led to an era of political theater that eventually turned into the circus we see in modern politics today—complete with clowns, acrobats, and a constant battle for the spotlight.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'liberal' has been used to describe everything from progressive policies to that one uncle who thinks he's a political commentator after one too many beers?.
• Headline: POLITICAL WONDER-WORKERS.. Impact: The belief in political tours and speeches as voter conversion tactics inspired decades of questionable campaign strategies, leading to the era of the grandiose rally where more hot air is released than actual political discourse.. Fact: Did you know that back in the day, politicians actually thought speeches could change minds? Now they just change the channel..
• Headline: Four Pianos Needed.. Impact: The plea for pianos for the unemployed led to the first-ever 'give a man a fish' initiative, proving that sometimes all it takes to uplift spirits is a little music—unless it's elevator music, then just run.. Fact: Did you know that four pianos might seem like a lot, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s really just an average Saturday night for any aspiring musician?.
• Headline: ' TURNNEY RIDICULES 'KILLER INSTINCT'; Ex-Champion, in Book, Says It Is Just a Boxer's Desire to Win, Fairly or Foully. DEMPSEY'S 'TRAGIC' CHOICE He Would Have Become a Tradition, Like Spartacus, Had He Chosen to Fight Wills, Author Holds.. Impact: Turney's remarks on 'killer instinct' triggered a philosophical debate on the nature of competition, leading to a future where everyone thinks they are an expert on boxing psychology after watching one too many documentaries.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more tragic than Dempsey's choices are the number of people who think they can fight like him after a few sparring sessions in their garage..