SEPTEMBER 20, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Jersey Schools Close Amid Epidemic. Impact: The closure of these schools inadvertently led to a surge in home-schooling, which eventually resulted in an entire generation of kids knowing way too much about cats and the history of Minecraft.. Fact: Paralysis from polio was so feared that schools were closed faster than they could say 'back to school sales.'.
• Headline: City Budget Cuts Initiated by McKee. Impact: McKee's late-night budgeting sessions sparked a city-wide obsession with night owl productivity, leading to an entire generation of caffeinated citizens who think sleep is for the weak.. Fact: In case you were wondering, the city's electricity bill was so high that the mayor considered switching to candles. Because nothing says 'economy' like a good old-fashioned blackout!.
• Headline: HOTEL FIRE REVEALS STILL.; Handel's Duck Inn Destroyed at Elmont, L.I. -- Lessee Seized.. Impact: The destruction of Handel's Duck Inn led to a sudden decline in illegal distilling, which meant people had to start making their own moonshine in bathtubs again. Thanks, fire!. Fact: The fire was such a spectacle that local ducks were seen evacuating the area, likely in search of a more hospitable hotel. They probably kept a better bar, too..
• Headline: Bolivian Minister Resigns.. Impact: This resignation sent shockwaves through international politics, prompting a series of diplomatic faux pas that would later inspire a popular TV series about bumbling politicians.. Fact: The minister's resignation became a case study in how not to leave a job. Spoiler alert: It involved a lot of awkward speeches and no cake..
• Headline: AMERICAN'S GOLD SEIZED BY VIENNA; Dealer and 2 Others Get Jail Terms on Charge of Illegal Sale and $27,000 Is Taken. OUR ENVOY MAKES INQUIRY Accused Ask Vienna Mayor to Intervene, Saying Activities Were Within the Law.. Impact: This gold seizure led to the rise of the underground gold market, where gold bars were traded for favors and questionable life advice, ultimately giving birth to a thriving black market of dubious financial practices.. Fact: The seized gold was later rumored to have been turned into jewelry by a local artist, who claimed it was 'just a modern art piece.'.
• Headline: Net Demand Deposits Up $221,000,000, Reports of Reserve Member Banks Show. Impact: This sudden influx of deposits caused a ripple effect in banking, leading to an era where people felt rich just because they had a few extra bucks in their accounts, inspiring countless 'wealthy' Instagram posts.. Fact: The banks were so pleased with the deposits that they decided to invest in a new coffee machine... for the employees. Because priorities!.
• Headline: WOOD DRIVES BOAT 126 MILES AN HOUR; Beats Don's Record of 119.75 M.P.H. in Warm-Up Run of His Miss America X. OFFICIAL TRIAL ON TODAY Speed Crown, Held by Briton's Miss England III, Expected to Be Returned to United States.. Impact: This boating record inspired a generation of speed enthusiasts, leading to the invention of the ‘Turbo Canoe,’ which, unsurprisingly, had a very short lifespan due to serious safety concerns.. Fact: Fun fact: This speed was so impressive that even the fish in the water were left in awe and most likely reconsidered their life choices..
• Headline: First World's Series Fan Is Now at Stadium; Old Auto Seats His Bed; Meals From Bakery. Impact: This dedicated fan’s early arrival set a precedent for all future fans, leading to the current phenomenon of people camping out for weeks just to get a decent seat. Thanks for the chaos, buddy!. Fact: This fan was so committed that he once tried to buy a ticket with a loaf of bread. Spoiler: It didn’t work..