SEPTEMBER 10, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Official Figures Discussion in 1932. Impact: After C.T. Riotte's enlightening commentary, the Council became so efficient that they accidentally discovered time travel. Now, historians are debating whether to credit him or the coffee machine in the corner.. Fact: Official figures are like official recipes: they always seem to have an ingredient missing..
• Headline: Governor Cross's Day Celebrations. Impact: Governor Cross’s day was so thrilling that it led to the invention of Governor-themed merchandise. Now, you can buy mugs, T-shirts, and even action figures—because who doesn’t want a mini Governor on their desk?. Fact: Fun fact: 'Governor's Day' was originally intended to be a national holiday until someone realized it was just a day for boring speeches..
• Headline: Article 4 -- No Title. Impact: The Cabinet's dramatic resignation led to an unprecedented period of political instability, paving the way for the rise of conspiracy theories—especially those suggesting that the Cabinet members were abducted by aliens.. Fact: When cabinets resign, they often leave behind a lot of paperwork... and some very awkward silence..
• Headline: DROP IN STOCK PROFITS TAX; Massachusetts Revenue From This Source Down 82% in 1931.. Impact: The 82% drop in stock profits tax led to a wild and reckless surge in day trading, which eventually inspired the creation of reality shows about people losing their life savings in 30 minutes or less.. Fact: Stock market crashes are like bad magic tricks: they leave everyone wondering where their money disappeared to..
• Headline: Ape's Intelligence Described.. Impact: The comparison of ape intelligence to children sparked a global debate about whether we should start teaching our kids how to swing from trees or if they should just stick to their smartphones.. Fact: If only we could teach chimps to do our taxes—imagine the savings on accountants!.
• Headline: SINGLE JOBLESS MEN TO GET LODGING HOUSE; Social Worker and Engineer Obtain Use of Tenement for Those Ineligible for City Aid.. Impact: The establishment of a lodging house for single jobless men led to the formation of the first-ever 'bachelor commune,' where the only rule was to never talk about how terrible life was—until happy hour.. Fact: Single jobless men getting together sounds like the start of a bad sitcom, but somehow turned into a community support group instead..
• Headline: LINCOLN ON PROHIBITION.; In 1840 He Called It "a Species of Intemperance Within Itself.". Impact: Lincoln's thoughts on prohibition inspired a legacy of debates that would lead to the creation of the 'Prohibition Party,' which ironically served more alcohol than any bar during the 1920s.. Fact: Lincoln calling prohibition a 'species of intemperance' is like saying a fish is just a 'species of water.'.