AUGUST 19, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Gang Violence Impacts Innocent Bystanders. Impact: In an alternate timeline, the girls grew up to become world-renowned peace activists, inadvertently leading to the establishment of a global anti-gangster society. Little did the gangsters know, their poor aim would spark a movement that made them obsolete!. Fact: Did you know that Brooklyn has a history of gang activity that dates back to the 19th century? Guess those gangsters just can't take a hint and move to a less populated area..
• Headline: Princeton Students Journey to Tangiers. Impact: Their long journey inspired future generations of students to take even longer, more convoluted routes to avoid their responsibilities back home, leading to a global trend of procrastination.. Fact: Did you know that Ketch is not just a type of boat but also the name of a popular procrastination tactic used by students? Just kidding, that one's all mine..
• Headline: Australian Cricketers, Beaten Only Once In 44 Matches, Bid Farewell to Canada. Impact: The Australians left Canada, which accidentally led to a surge in Canadian cricket enthusiasm that lasted a whopping two weeks before everyone remembered hockey existed.. Fact: Did you know that cricket is like baseball but for people who prefer their games to last five days? Truly thrilling!.
• Headline: AGENCY MUST REPAY JOB FRAUD VICTIMS; 50 Who Gave Employe $501 for Non-Existent Work Upheld by Geraghty at Hearing. REDS TRY DEMONSTRATION 40 Police Hold Back Group Seeking to Invade License Bureau With Placards and Banners.. Impact: This hearing inspired a generation of scammers to diversify their portfolios into more creative schemes, leading to the emergence of 'job offer' emails that still haunt your inbox today.. Fact: Did you know that giving $501 for a non-existent job is a great way to teach someone the value of critical thinking? Too bad it was a lesson learned the hard way..
• Headline: AT THE TURNING POINT.; Nature Is Lifting Depression and Man Is Helping.. Impact: This optimistic headline triggered a global initiative to hug trees, which in turn caused a shortage of trees in urban areas, resulting in an unexpected boom in indoor plants.. Fact: Did you know that nature has a way of lifting spirits? Just don’t ask nature about its feelings on human pollution..
• Headline: VIOLET RAYMOND WED.; Henry Ford's Niece the Bride of Francois Audi of Paris.. Impact: This union caused car manufacturing to take a turn for the romantic, leading to the first-ever wedding-themed vehicles. The 'Happily Ever After-mobile' was born, but only sold in pastel colors.. Fact: Did you know that Henry Ford once said, 'You can have any color as long as it's black'? Guess that didn’t apply to weddings!.
• Headline: PROHIBITIONISTS DIVIDED.. Impact: This internal conflict among prohibitionists led to the creation of underground speakeasies, which unwittingly became the hipster hangouts of the future, where the drinks are strong and the irony is thicker than the smoke.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more divided than prohibitionists were the opinions on whether or not pineapple belongs on pizza? Spoiler: it doesn't..
• Headline: PLEASURE IN ADVERSITY.; But Approach of Good Times Brings Worry to Apple Vendor.. Impact: The apple vendor's anxiety sparked a global trend of stress-eating fruits, leading to the invention of the 'fruit smoothie'—a healthy disguise for indulgence.. Fact: Did you know that apple vendors have been concerned about market trends since the days of Eve? Talk about having a tough bite!.