JULY 14, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Vatican Officially Approves Basilian Fathers. Impact: The Vatican's recognition sparked a chain reaction, leading to a renaissance of religious bureaucracy that would make even the most seasoned DMV employee weep with joy. Who knew approval could take over 300 years?. Fact: Fun fact: The Basilian Fathers were so patient that they could probably teach a tortoise a thing or two about waiting..
• Headline: Walker Case and Political Intrigue. Impact: Walker’s accusation set off a political chain reaction that resulted in five future conspiracy theories, all of which were found to be less believable than the plot of a B-movie.. Fact: Did you know that whenever someone says 'Washington scheme,' a group of historians collectively sigh and brace for the inevitable drama that follows?.
• Headline: OFFER 'EARHART HOP' AS BALLROOM DANCE; Terpsichorean Tutors Devise Routine That Symbolizes Sea Flight of Aviatrix. IT SWAYS, DIPS AND WHIRLS Convention Here Sanctions New Step Composition Based on the Fox-Trot Rhythm.. Impact: The 'Earhart Hop' inadvertently led to the creation of a dance revolution that would ultimately cause more foot injuries than any other trend in history. Who knew soaring through the skies could inspire such clumsy footwork?. Fact: Did you know that dancing like you're about to take off might actually get you grounded at most social events? Just a thought..
• Headline: REBELS LOSE TOWN IN PERU; Five Loyalists Are Killed in Clash at Cajabamba.. Impact: The loss of Cajabamba shifted the balance of power in Peru, leading to a series of events that would make Machiavelli proud. It turns out, even in rebellion, someone always has to pay the price.. Fact: Fun fact: Cajabamba's name literally means 'place of the clash.' Talk about setting yourself up for failure!.
• Headline: EDO N. CLAASSEN.; Cleveland Scientist and Chain Store Operator Reached Age of 99. Impact: Claassen’s longevity led to a scientific breakthrough in the field of aging, resulting in a small town in Ohio being overrun by 99-year-olds who refused to let go of their secret to immortality: coffee and a good sense of humor.. Fact: Did you know that reaching 99 turns you into a walking encyclopedia of every boring conversation you've ever had? Congratulations, Mr. Claassen!.
• Headline: SUBMARINE DISASTER LAID TO CARELESSNESS; French Board of Inquiry Finds Ventilators Were Left Open on the Promethee.. Impact: The careless oversight not only sank a submarine but also led to a new naval regulation that required all crew members to take a course in basic common sense—a lesson that still eludes many to this day.. Fact: Fun fact: Leaving ventilators open on a submarine is a bit like leaving the oven on when you leave home. Bad idea, folks..
• Headline: Marconi Naval Reserve Captain.. Impact: Marconi's promotion to Captain sparked an age of naval communication that would eventually lead to the invention of the 'silent treatment' in relationships everywhere. Because who needs to talk when you can just send a signal?. Fact: Did you know that Marconi's real genius was in realizing that if you talk less, you can avoid awkward silences? A life lesson for the ages!.
• Headline: Gleadow and Sankey Break 103 at Bisley To Lead Gunners Shooting for King's Prize. Impact: Breaking a shooting record not only boosted their egos but also set off a chain of competitive spirit that would inspire thousands of future marksmen. Somewhere, a squirrel is now plotting its revenge.. Fact: Did you know that breaking records at Bisley is basically an Olympic sport for those who enjoy yelling 'I can do that!' from the sidelines?.
• Headline: INSPECTS FORT NIAGARA.; General Nolan Is Received by 28th Infantry and Citizens Camp.. Impact: General Nolan’s inspection of Fort Niagara led to a renewed sense of pride among the troops, which ultimately resulted in a nationwide trend of overzealous fort inspections. Because who doesn’t love a good pep talk?. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more exciting than inspecting a fort is watching paint dry. But hey, at least there’s a little history involved!.