JULY 2, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Debate on New High School Site. Impact: The proposed site for the new high school became a battleground for community debates, leading to the formation of a new academic discipline: Extreme Site Selection Studies, where students major in arguing over parking spots.. Fact: The real hot topic was whether the school mascot should be a hawk or a very confused squirrel..
• Headline: Remarkable Traveler: 92-Year-Old Atlantic Voyager. Impact: Mrs. A.H. Schlegel's sixty Atlantic crossings sparked a travel revolution, leading to the invention of the 'Frequent Flyer' program, which was later hijacked by airlines to charge you for everything including your own seatbelt.. Fact: At this point, her passport was thicker than a dictionary and probably had more stamps than a post office..
• Headline: Nature vs. Art.. Impact: The debate over Nature vs. Art ignited a war between painters and environmentalists, resulting in a bizarre art movement where artists painted with organic materials and called it 'eco-impressionism,' trying to save the planet one abstract leaf at a time.. Fact: One artist tried to paint with air, but all he got was a blank canvas and a confused gallery..
• Headline: Rail Shopmen on Four-Day Week.. Impact: The implementation of a four-day workweek for shopmen led to widespread laziness and an increased demand for coffee. This laid the groundwork for the rise of the modern coffee shop as a sanctuary for procrastinators everywhere.. Fact: By 2023, workers would admit to needing five coffee breaks just to recover from the four-day workweek..
• Headline: MARION TALLEY WED TO GERMAN PIANIST; In Secret Ceremony at White Plains Church She Becomes Bride of Michael Raucheisen. MOTHER, SISTER WITH HER Couple Leave on Motor Tour of Maine and Canada -- Expect to Live In Kansas City.. Impact: Marion Talley’s marriage to German pianist Michael Raucheisen would inadvertently inspire a series of dramatic soap operas centered around secret celebrity weddings, leading to the rise of tabloid journalism as we know it today.. Fact: Their honeymoon was so secretive that even their GPS said, 'No idea where you are.'.
• Headline: Democratic Nominee's Name Is Pronounced "Rose-velt". Impact: The correct pronunciation of 'Rose-velt' became a national debate that led to a split in the Democratic Party, resulting in the formation of the 'Rose-vulters' who insisted on pronouncing it the way it sounds: 'Roosevelt.'. Fact: This pronunciation debate lasted longer than most political campaigns, proving once again that Americans will argue about anything..
• Headline: Miss Wlnant Heads Delta Gamma.. Impact: Miss Wlnant being named head of Delta Gamma started a trend of sorority powerhouses, leading to the eventual formation of a national sorority competition, complete with judges, scoring, and dramatic eliminations.. Fact: The real competition was about who could throw the best themed parties, which is still ongoing today..
• Headline: FAVORITES ARE UPSET IN GIRLS' TENNIS FINAL; Misses Fox and Whittemore Beat Misses Childress and Elliman for Westchester Title.. Impact: The unexpected upset in the girls' tennis final led to a surge in interest in women's sports, paving the way for future tournaments where the underdog would frequently remind everyone that they are, in fact, still the underdog.. Fact: Misses Fox and Whittemore celebrated their victory by immediately forming a band called 'The Underdogs,' which oddly had nothing to do with tennis..
• Headline: 3 IN CANOE UPSET RESCUED.; Lifeguards at Harbor Island Save Youths From Drowning.. Impact: The rescue of three boys from drowning in a canoe inspired a new wave of water safety campaigns, leading to the invention of the inflatable life jacket, which ironically caused more people to venture out on flimsy inflatables.. Fact: One of the boys later became a motivational speaker, teaching others how to avoid sinking with a canoe—mostly by staying indoors..