JUNE 22, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Byrd Leads in Chicago Campaign Push. Impact: Byrd's demand for a vigorous platform led to the eventual creation of the 'Most Overly Complicated Political Platform Ever' committee. They still meet every week to discuss why no one listens to them.. Fact: Byrd's campaign was so intense, it inspired future candidates to create personal brands, leading to the era of politicians who think selfies are policy proposals..
• Headline: Bondholders Committee Formed for Realty Case. Impact: The bondholders' protective committee inadvertently started a trend where every small issue became a committee, paving the way for the 'Boredom Relief Committee' that still meets bi-weekly to discuss snacks.. Fact: This is the same committee that once tried to protect bondholders from a rogue vending machine that kept eating their quarters..
• Headline: Minnesota Primary Upset of 1932. Impact: The Minnesota primary marked the beginning of political repudiation as a sport, leading to future generations of politicians perfecting the art of blaming everyone but themselves.. Fact: The term 'Rump' became popularized in politics, ironically leading to the eventual rise of an entirely new genre of political commentary focused on physical attributes..
• Headline: VITAL POST FOR WALKER; Curry Will Name Mayor for Place on the Resolutions Committee. WIGWAM TO SEND A HOST More Than a Thousand Will Be on Hand in the Convention Galleries. RASKOB REACHES SCENE Chairman Confident Shouse Will Win Contest -- Smith and Curry Due There Today. MOVE BY TAMMANY BLOW TO ROOSEVELT. Impact: Curry's appointment led to an avalanche of 'important' committee positions that ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'Chairman of Chairs' role, which serves no real purpose but sounds very official.. Fact: The Tammany Hall's speculation on Roosevelt's attitude was so intense it inspired a reality TV show: 'Keeping Up with the Politicians.'.
• Headline: Wife Sues C.L. Kenzle at Reno.. Impact: The divorce case sparked a series of courtroom dramas that unwittingly established reality TV's next big trend: 'Real Housewives of Reno.' They still argue over who gets the last slice of cake.. Fact: C.L. Kenzle's name is now synonymous with 'the guy who never saw it coming' in divorce law textbooks..
• Headline: Boy, 7, Drowns In Jersey Lake.. Impact: Tragically, the drowning of young Gallagher led to increased safety measures around lakes nationwide, causing a downturn in inner-tube sales and a boom in boring beach vacations.. Fact: This event is often cited in discussions about the importance of life jackets, which were promptly ignored during the next generation's epic lake parties..
• Headline: New York Salesman Fatally Hurt.. Impact: The New York salesman’s tragic accident led to the establishment of mandatory safety training for salespeople, which has since evolved into the 'how not to drive while on the phone' workshops.. Fact: Ironically, the salesman was just trying to sell a car when he got into the accident. A real-life 'you had one job' moment..
• Headline: Jersey Bus Crash Suit Settled.. Impact: The settlement from the bus crash lawsuit inspired a new wave of settlements over every minor inconvenience, eventually leading to a society where nobody ever accepts responsibility for anything.. Fact: M Beahm Sr. later became famous for settling every argument with a lawsuit, making him an unlikely pioneer of the 'litigious lifestyle.'.
• Headline: FRISCO IS ASSURED OF RAIL CREDIT AID; Applies to Federal Bodies for $4,000,000 With Backing of Carrier Group. JULY 1 PAYMENTS READY Collateral Understood to Have Been Released to Secure a Further Advance.. Impact: Frisco's rail credit aid application marked the dawn of the 'Money for Infrastructure' era, leading to a future where everyone thinks trains should run on goodwill and not actual budgets.. Fact: The federal bodies involved in the loan application later formed a band called 'Collateral Damage' as a nod to their risky financial decisions..