JUNE 9, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Healy Estate Accounting Revealed. Impact: The Healy estate accounting scandal triggered a rush of wealthy families to create incredibly complicated trusts. By the 21st century, estate planning became akin to solving a Rubik's Cube—only to realize you still don’t get the money until you die. Fact: Did you know that $2 million can be made to disappear faster than your motivation to go to the gym? True story.
• Headline: LORD BRENTFORD DEAD AT AGE OF 68; _____________ ,^_ 1 Former British Home Secretary Had Caught Cold on Cruise to West Indies for Health. IN PARLIAMENT 29 YEARS uuuuuuuuuu I Served in Baldwin Cabinet During i General StrikeuWas Churchman and Motoring Enthusiast.. Impact: Lord Brentford's passing set off a wave of parliamentary debates about the importance of health on cruises, eventually resulting in mandatory health seminars for future politicians—who still ignored them. Fact: Fun fact: Catching a cold on a cruise is a great metaphor for how politics can be contagious, yet nobody wants to get involved.
• Headline: 3,942 GET DEGREES AT N.Y.U. CEREMONY; Thousands Fill Ohio Field for Centennial Commencement -- Record Class Graduated. HONORARY AWARDS GO TO 16 Prof. McEiroy of Oxford Pleads for Equality Among Nations, Backed by International Spirit.. Impact: The graduation of nearly 4,000 students led to a significant increase in coffee consumption as graduates prepared for the real world. This caffeine surge was later dubbed ‘The N.Y.U. Effect’ and is credited with introducing the concept of 'adulting' into the mainstream. Fact: Did you know that if you lined up all the degrees handed out that day, they would stretch longer than the job market’s response to them?.
• Headline: HAMILTON COLLEGE NAMES RRIZE WINNERS; Twenty-four Will Receive Fellowships and Scholarships at Commencement Monday.. Impact: The naming of fellowship winners at Hamilton College resulted in a competitive edge for future applicants, leading to absurdly high standards where students began submitting their kindergarten art projects as 'creative portfolios' to stand out. Fact: Did you know that in academia, the more prestigious the award, the more likely it is that you'll need to sell your soul—or at least your sanity—to attain it?.
• Headline: SON OF GENERAL HONORED.; Andrew Hero 3d Gets Gold Watch at West Point.. Impact: Andrew Hero III receiving a gold watch sparked a trend among military families to gift watches for achievements, eventually leading to the invention of the 'Achievement Watch'—a device that reminds you of all the times you failed to achieve anything. Fact: Fun fact: Gold watches have been known to double as a great excuse for being late: 'Sorry, my watch is too fancy for time management.'.
• Headline: BRAZIL READY TO REGISTER.; Electoral Board Says It Can Function in Two Weeks.. Impact: Brazil's readiness to register its electoral board caused a ripple effect of optimism that led to the temporary rise of democratic ideals across South America—until the reality of politics set in and they all returned to their regularly scheduled chaos. Fact: Did you know that 'ready to function' is just political jargon for 'we’ll get to it when we feel like it?' Welcome to democracy!.
• Headline: $18.000 INSULL PENSION.; Companies Grant Annuities to Man who Lost $100,000,000. EXPECT DAWES'S AID IN BIG INSULL TASK. Impact: Insull's pension scandal inspired future generations of CEOs to master the art of losing billions and still walking away with cushy retirements, thus setting the stage for modern corporate America. Fact: Did you know that $18,000 in annuities could buy you a lifetime supply of ramen noodles? Just kidding, it won't even pay for a decent cup of coffee these days.