MAY 13, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Republican Committee Maintains Leadership. Impact: When Wood kept his campaign job, it set off a chain reaction of political loyalty that led to the revival of the 'Good Old Boys Club.' This ultimately resulted in the establishment of the annual 'Old Boys Reunion' where the same guys keep re-electing each other while pretending to care about the average Joe.. Fact: The Republican Congressional Committee has re-elected the same officers so many times, they could probably hold a family reunion at the Capitol..
• Headline: Taxis Celebrate Beer in NYC Parade. Impact: The parade for beer in taxis inspired a new form of transport. Fast forward a few decades, and we have UberEats delivering beer right to your door, because why not make bad decisions more convenient?. Fact: In the future, people will parade for kale smoothies instead of beer. Progress, right?.
• Headline: Protest Over Spanish Fishing Boat Incident. Impact: The protest over the firing on the Spanish flag led to an international incident that made everyone realize that neutral waters are just a suggestion, not a rule. Who knew fishing could be so dangerous?. Fact: This incident paved the way for the phrase 'It's not you, it's the neutral waters' to become a popular breakup line among fishermen..
• Headline: NEW RELIEF GROUP WITH SMITH AT HEAD NAMED BY WALKER; Merged Bureaus on Jobs and Home Aid Have $5,000,000 to Use Until Aug. 1. UNITY OF EFFORT IS OBJECT Leading Lawyers, Bankers and Welfare Officials to Begin Tasks on June 1. NEW RELIEF GROUP NAMED BY WALKER. Impact: The formation of the new relief group with Smith at the helm created a timeline where bureaucratic inefficiency became an art form. It inspired countless similar initiatives that ultimately led to the invention of the 'paperwork treadmill.'. Fact: In the future, they will need a relief group just to manage all the relief groups. It's a bureaucratic inception!.
• Headline: 15 Cents Bid for Foshay Tower.. Impact: The 15 cents bid for the Foshay Tower marked the beginning of a financial trend where buildings became more valuable the more people ignored their actual worth. Today, we call that gentrification.. Fact: If only they'd known, that 15 cents could have funded a whole new tower of overpriced coffee shops!.
• Headline: WORLD PAYS HONOR AT DQIIMER FUNERAL; Representatives of All Civilized Nations March in Paris Cortege of French President, ROYALTY FOLLOWS COFFIN Premier Tardieu Eulogizes His Career in Public Office and as the Head of Family. BURIED WITH FOUR SONS 2,500,000 Line Streets to See the Procession or Hear Service on Amplifiers and Radios.. Impact: The grand funeral of French President Doumer was such a spectacle that it set the precedent for state funerals resembling rock concerts. Now, every politician wants to go out with a bang and a light show.. Fact: Fun fact: Doumer was buried with four sons, but they still couldn't find a single pallbearer in the family who could carry the weight of expectations!.
• Headline: ASPARAGUS AND SPINACH.; Working Them Into Radio City Design Is Suggested.. Impact: The suggestion of incorporating asparagus and spinach into the design of Radio City led to a culinary revolution where vegetables became an uninvited guest at every fancy dinner party. Bon appétit!. Fact: In 20 years, people will be paying top dollar for 'veggie-inspired' architecture, because who doesn't want to live in a salad?.
• Headline: MRS. DOROTHY HEARST WED TO WILLIAM PALEY; Former Wife of Publisher's Third Son Married in Arizona to the Owner of Colombia Network.. Impact: Mrs. Dorothy Hearst's marriage to William Paley sparked a series of media mogul unions that eventually led to the rise of reality TV—because nothing says love like broadcasting your drama to millions.. Fact: Their wedding was so lavish, that in the future, couples will just elope and stream it live to avoid the hassle of planning..