MAY 9, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Chicago Workers Push Pension Bill. Impact: The workers' organization was so effective that it inadvertently sparked a nationwide trend of workers actually believing they could have a say in their pensions. Who knew activism could lead to actual change instead of just more meetings?. Fact: Pensions: the thing everyone wants but nobody really understands until retirement hits and they’re left wondering where all the money went..
• Headline: Mrs. Boice Recovers from Butler's Attack. Impact: This event led to the creation of a new genre of literature: the 'Butler Mystery'. Little did they know that one day, people would binge-watch entire seasons of shows about butlers instead of questioning their life choices.. Fact: When it comes to butlers going rogue, Mrs. Boice was just the tip of the iceberg. Turns out, they have a bit of a reputation!.
• Headline: Censuring Wives Who Eat Breakfast in Bed, Keigwin Praises Women of Business Ability. Impact: Keigwin's comments ignited a hilarious debate over breakfast etiquette that echoed through the ages, ultimately leading to the invention of the 'breakfast-in-bed-in-your-pajamas' pajama line. Thank you, misogyny!. Fact: Eating breakfast in bed was once considered a luxury; now it’s just a morning hazard waiting for you to spill coffee on your favorite sheets..
• Headline: GLENN 0, COLEfflAN, PAINTER, IS DEAD; Won Third Prize, the Highest Given to an American, in Carnegie Show of 1928. STREET SCENES HIS FIELD On: of Greenwich Village Bought by the LuxembourguWas Promi- nent as a Lithographer.. Impact: Coleman's death marked the end of an era in American art, leading to a brief period of confusion where everyone tried to figure out what exactly 'prominent' meant in the art world. Spoiler: it’s still a mystery.. Fact: Winning third prize means you’re technically the best of the worst; a true testament to the art world’s sense of humor..
• Headline: ASSAILS ALL FANATICISM.; Magistrate Healy Tells Wilkes-Barre K. of C. to Defend Flag.. Impact: Healy's tirade sparked a movement where everyone felt the need to defend everything, leading to the founding of a group that defends the rights of defending things. A real brainwave, right?. Fact: Defending the flag was once a noble cause; now it’s just a great way to avoid discussing real issues. Bravo!.
• Headline: REARING FAMILIES.; Attaining the "Bigger and Better" Status Is Frequently Costly.. Impact: The obsession with bigger families eventually led to a competition of who could have the most absurd family photos. Spoiler alert: the winner is usually the one with the most children and least sanity.. Fact: Having a bigger family might mean more love, but it also means more laundry and fewer trips to the bathroom alone..
• Headline: TOWN OWES NO MONEY, HAS NO CRIME PROBLEM; Mayor of Banner Elk, N.C., Says There Have Been No Arrests in 4 Years, No Failures in 10.. Impact: Banner Elk became the poster child for towns that still believed in the myth of perfect governance, inspiring a series of sitcoms about small-town life that completely disregarded reality. Because who doesn't love a good laugh?. Fact: A town with no crime is like a unicorn; it sounds magical until you realize the residents are too busy ignoring each other to commit any crimes!.
• Headline: WOMAN DIES, MAN HELD.; Police Are Told That Car Struck Victim on Coscob Road.. Impact: This tragic event unfortunately highlighted the ongoing issue of road safety, leading to the invention of car insurance and the phrase, 'it’s not my fault'—the driving mantra of the future.. Fact: Hit-and-run incidents have been around forever, but they really took off when people realized that a quick getaway could save them from consequences. Truly a forward-thinking strategy!.