APRIL 13, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Pittman Challenges Court Reservation Protocol. Impact: Pittman's court reservation was the spark that ignited a thousand legal debates, ultimately leading to a nationwide obsession with judicial consent. One can only imagine lawyers in the future thanking him for their overflowing billable hours.. Fact: Did you know that the average lawyer spends more time arguing about consent than most relationships? Welcome to the legal world!.
• Headline: Ex-Gov. Curry's Death Hoax Debunked. Impact: The erroneous report of Ex-Gov. Curry's death led to a bizarre series of events where people started faking their own deaths to avoid awkward small talk. Thus, the modern trend of ghosting was born.. Fact: Ironically, the only thing more dead than the rumors about Curry was the art of conversation in social gatherings..
• Headline: Funding Approved for Bradley Inquiry. Impact: Approving the fund for the Bradley inquiry was the tipping point that led to the creation of countless government inquiries that achieved absolutely nothing. Thank you, bureaucracy!. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more inflated than government inquiry budgets are the egos of those who approve them..
• Headline: BIRNAM TO DUNSINANE.. Impact: Birnam to Dunsinane may not have been Shakespeare's original intent, but it paved the way for countless hotel rooftop events, leading to the rise of unwarranted rooftop parties and questionable life choices.. Fact: Did you know that ‘Birnam Wood’ is actually the name of a very exclusive rooftop bar in Edinburgh? Shakespeare would be so proud!.
• Headline: Missouri Squad Goes on Strike When Coach Is Asked to Quit. Impact: The Missouri squad's strike set a precedent for all future athlete protests, ultimately leading to the modern sports movement where teams have more leverage than some countries. Who knew a coach could spark a revolution?. Fact: The only thing more volatile than a coach’s job security? The mood of a team on strike. Talk about a high-stakes game!.
• Headline: Article 4 -- No Title. Impact: The storm that swamped the small boat in the Batanes Islands became the reason why people started double-checking the weather before embarking on nautical adventures. Thus, the phrase 'better safe than sorry' was born.. Fact: Did you know that in some cultures, it's believed that bad weather is just nature's way of reminding you to check the forecast more often?.
• Headline: Committee for Steel Car Lines.. Impact: Forming a protective committee for steel car lines was the first step towards the creation of a thousand committees that would go on to protect absolutely nothing. A true triumph of modern governance!. Fact: The only thing more sturdy than steel car lines? The iron grip of bureaucratic committees that somehow manage to achieve nothing..
• Headline: LITERARY GROUP PICKS PRINCETON OFFICERS; American Whig-Cliosophic Society Names Committee Members and Managers.. Impact: The election of officers by the American Whig-Cliosophic Society was the beginning of a long tradition of societies that would eventually give rise to the world’s most boring meetings. Seriously, who knew that such gatherings could be more tedious than watching paint dry?. Fact: Fun fact: The Whig-Cliosophic Society is the reason why ‘whig’ became synonymous with ‘boring.’.
• Headline: DENIES LOAN TO P.R.R. WOULD STOP DIVIDEND; Atterbary Says Reconstruction Body Made No Stipulation for $55,000,000 Advance.. Impact: Atterbury’s denial about the loan to the Pennsylvania Railroad was a pivotal moment that led to the birth of the phrase 'it's not you, it's me' in financial discussions. Truly groundbreaking!. Fact: Did you know that financial denials are the new breakup lines? Who needs romance when you can reject loans instead?.