MARCH 29, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Challenges of Communist Propaganda in 1932. Impact: The struggle of communism advocates leads to the invention of the phrase 'It's not you, it's me,' which becomes the go-to for breaking up with bad political ideologies.. Fact: Communism advocates and cats have one thing in common: both are known for their ability to raise eyebrows and cause intense debates..
• Headline: Poison Sold as Headache Cure Brings Arrest of 20 in Havana. Impact: The arrest of 20 for selling poison as a headache cure leads to the invention of the phrase 'Just take some aspirin,' changing the course of medicine forever.. Fact: Headaches have been around since humans started thinking too much, which, judging by history, was probably around the time fire was invented..
• Headline: FLIES TO LINDBERGH TO REPORT CONTACT WITH KIDNAPPERS; Norfolk Rector Risks Life in Storm for Half-Hour Talk With Flier in Hopewell. OPTIMISTIC ON OUTCOME Declines to Say if Colonel Is Convinced, but Schwarzkopf Asserts He Is Not. BRINGS NO TANGIBLE PROOF Plans to Return to Hopewell, Indi- cating He Does Not Expect Immediate Return of Child. FLIES TO LINDBERGH ON KIDNAP MISSION. Impact: The rector's daring flight ultimately inspires a new genre of extreme sports, including 'Storm Chasing for Kidnapped Children', which becomes wildly popular, albeit controversial.. Fact: Flying in storms to negotiate with kidnappers is a new level of risk-taking that really puts 'extreme' in 'extreme measures'..
• Headline: Books for Seamen Wanted.. Impact: The appeal for books leads to a future where seamen are the most well-read group on the planet, leading to a literary revolution that results in 'Moby Dick: The Musical'.. Fact: Seamen have always loved books, mostly because they have a lot of time to kill while waiting for the tide to turn... and no Wi-Fi..
• Headline: PARLEY IN SHANGHAI IS NEAR BREAKDOWN; Chinese Angered by Talk of Japan's Troops Staying All Summer Around the City. TOKYO SEES CRISIS NEAR Maps Plans to Meet Emergency -- Skirmishes Reported Along Most of the Front. PARLEY IN SHANGHAI IS NEAR BREAKDOWN. Impact: The breakdown of talks in Shanghai leads to a decade-long game of international hide-and-seek, with diplomats employing increasingly ridiculous tactics to avoid each other.. Fact: Chinese-Japanese relations have been like a really bad sitcom: lots of misunderstandings, but no one really knows when the season finale will happen..
• Headline: Objecting to a Parade.. Impact: Objecting to a parade leads to the establishment of the 'No Parade Day', which ironically results in more parades than ever, because who doesn’t love a good protest?. Fact: Parades have been a way for people to express themselves loudly since the dawn of time, which is probably why there’s a parade for absolutely everything, including 'National Spaghetti Day'..
• Headline: MARJORIE MULOCK A BRIDE.; Toronto Girl Wed to R. A. Hignett at British Embassy in Paris.. Impact: Marjorie Mulock's marriage sparks a trend of extravagant celebrity weddings that culminates in the great wedding of 2050, where no one can remember the couple’s name.. Fact: Wedding ceremonies have been around since ancient times, which just goes to show that people have always loved spending a fortune to say 'I do' in front of a bunch of judgmental relatives..
• Headline: THE WATCHMAN'S ANSWER.. Impact: The improved sentiment in Great Britain leads to an era of British optimism, which ironically results in the invention of the phrase 'Stiff upper lip' becoming a national motto.. Fact: In Britain, sentimentality is often expressed through tea and biscuits, proving once again that the true way to the heart is through carbohydrates..