MARCH 28, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Engagement of MBS to Lt. H.G. Wilde. Impact: This engagement could have led to a dynasty of Olympic athletes, but instead, they probably just produced a bunch of kids who play polo on weekends.. Fact: Did you know that marrying into the Vanderbilt family is like winning the lottery? Only with more family drama and less cash!.
• Headline: Portrays Opera Heroines.. Impact: This recital could have inspired a whole new generation of opera singers, but instead, most of us are still just singing in the shower.. Fact: Did you know that if you yell loudly enough in the shower, you can convince yourself you're the next Maria Callas? It's all about the acoustics!.
• Headline: TOPICS OF THE TIMES.. Impact: This headline suggests that the 'master builder' was probably just another overqualified contractor looking to settle debates on Pinterest.. Fact: Spoiler alert: Most 'master builders' just know how to use a hammer and pay someone else to do the rest!.
• Headline: De la Cierva Flies in Tiny Wingless Machine; New Autogiro Shoots Through Air Like Bullet. Impact: This 'wingless machine' could have foreshadowed our modern obsession with drones, but instead, we just ended up with more ways to annoy our neighbors.. Fact: Did you know that flying without wings is like trying to swim without water? It’s quite the ambitious endeavor!.
• Headline: HALIBUT SHIPPED EAST.; Alaskan Boats Asked to Lay Up Six Days More to Aid Prices.. Impact: This halibut shipment could have changed the course of fish prices forever, but instead, it just ensured your local grocery store was out of stock when you wanted fish and chips.. Fact: Did you know that halibut is just fancy fish speak for 'I’m too expensive for your average Tuesday night dinner?'.
• Headline: NEW HAVEN WINNER, 4-3.; Eagles Down Boston in First Canadian-American Play-Off.. Impact: This win could have sparked a legendary rivalry, but instead, we’re probably just left with a bunch of confused fans wondering why they’re not in the playoffs anymore.. Fact: Did you know that sports rivalries are just a fancy way for people to yell at each other over a game? It’s practically a cultural tradition!.
• Headline: MAY STABILIZE POUND AT HIGHER VALUATION; Amsterdam Sees Possibility, in View of Absence of Rise in British Prices.. Impact: If only they had stabilized the pound back then, we might have avoided the confusion in today's currency markets—oh wait, who are we kidding?. Fact: Did you know that stabilizing currency values is a bit like trying to keep a cat in a bathtub? It just doesn’t want to cooperate!.