MARCH 18, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Supreme Court Validates Cuban Elections. Impact: The Supreme Court’s decision led to a stable government, which inadvertently inspired a future generation of politicians to take their jobs way too seriously, creating a long line of mustache-twirling villains in political dramas.. Fact: Did you know that in the same year, if you googled 'Cuban elections,' you’d find an overwhelming amount of 'How to make mojitos'? Because priorities..
• Headline: Colgate Maroon Officers Announced. Impact: The naming of these officers set off a chain reaction of 'who's who' in college hierarchy, paving the way for future generations of students to name their clubs after everything from avocados to obscure 90s sitcoms.. Fact: Did you know that Colgate Maroon isn't a new toothpaste flavor? It's actually a college publication. But hey, if it were toothpaste, I’d buy it!.
• Headline: PRAISE CREW OF SHIP IN BERMUDA WRECK; Prince David Passengers Here, Say Transfer in Lifeboats Was Made in Good Order. WOMEN PRAISED FOR CALM One Man Says He Saw Coral Reefs Before Vessel Hit, and Wondered at Speed She Was Making.. Impact: The calmness of the women during the disaster inspired future maritime training programs, emphasizing the importance of keeping your cool while the ship sinks. Literally.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'women and children first' was invented during maritime disasters? Because apparently, it’s a good idea to prioritize those who can’t swim..
• Headline: ELECTORAL REFORM DROPPED IN FRANCE; Chamber Abandons Abolition of 2d Ballot, Woman's Suffrage and Compulsory Voting. REVERSES PREVIOUS STAND Acceptance of Senate's Revision by Vote of 299 to 227 Constitutes a Victory for the Left.. Impact: The failure of electoral reform led to a long history of French political instability, ultimately giving rise to the 'why bother voting?' mindset that is now a global phenomenon.. Fact: Fun fact: France’s political debates have more flair than a fashion show, and they still can’t agree on whether croissants should be flaky or chewy..
• Headline: Bank Stock Dealers Unite With Unlisted Security Group. Impact: This merger resulted in the formation of countless secret societies where bank stock dealers discussed the stock market's future over overpriced lattes and private yacht parties.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more inflated than bank stock prices is the egos of the dealers? They probably need a separate bank just for their self-esteem..
• Headline: Bay State Bankers Pay Fines.. Impact: Paying fines for violating banking laws has now become a rite of passage for bankers, leading to a new trend of 'fine collection parties' where they celebrate their questionable choices.. Fact: Did you know that paying fines is just a way for banks to throw their money away? They’re basically just funding a 'bad decisions' museum..
• Headline: INDIANA MAYOR INDICTED.; J.H. Mellett, Slain Editor's Brother, Faces Liquor Trial.. Impact: The indictment of a mayor brings attention to corruption, igniting a series of investigative journalism that would eventually lead to the modern-day exposé, 'How to Get Caught Being a Terrible Person.'. Fact: This event shook Indiana to its core, proving that even small-town mayors can achieve fame—albeit not the kind they were hoping for..
• Headline: TORY M.P. LIKELY TO RESIGN; Sip Rennell Rodd, St. Marylebone Member, Is Veteran Diplomat.. Impact: Rodd’s potential resignation sparked a wave of mass resignations among politicians, leading to a 'game of musical chairs' that no one wanted to play but everyone was forced to watch.. Fact: Did you know that the only thing more predictable than a politician's resignation is the public's reaction? Spoiler: It's a mix of apathy and sarcasm..
• Headline: Scarsdale Costs $725,962 in Year.; Special to THE NEW YORK TIMES.. Impact: The exorbitant costs reported led to a massive increase in property values, making living in Scarsdale the dream of every aspiring millionaire and their overpriced avocado toast.. Fact: Fun fact: The itemized report on government costs probably included a line for 'keeping up appearances'—because that’s how they roll in Scarsdale!.