MARCH 10, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Calles' Support for Religious Leaders. Impact: This seemingly innocuous meeting led to the formation of a secret society of bishops and politicians, who plotted to influence every taco stand in Mexico, ensuring that only the finest corn tortillas were served. You can thank them for your taco preferences today.. Fact: Bishop Manning was not just a religious leader but also had a knack for making exceptional guacamole. His recipe is still a secret, likely hidden in the papal archives..
• Headline: Roosevelt's Victory Signal for 1932 Primaries. Impact: The excitement over Roosevelt's victory kickstarted a national obsession with primaries, leading to countless debates, discussions, and the birth of the phrase, 'I hate Mondays.'. Fact: Roosevelt's supporters were so confident of his success that they started making 'I love New Hampshire' bumper stickers, long before bumper stickers were even a thing..
• Headline: Committee Defends Sales Tax Report. Impact: This report set off a chain reaction that led to the creation of more taxes, ultimately resulting in the infamous 'Taxpayer's Day' where citizens gather to collectively sigh and shake their heads in dismay.. Fact: The report was so long that some committee members actually started writing their memoirs in the margins instead of reading it..
• Headline: Stuart Davis Offers a Penetrating Survey of the American Scene -- Native Talent in Drawing Shown.. Impact: Davis's exhibition inspired a generation of artists to express themselves through doodling, paving the way for modern art classes where students draw cats in hats.. Fact: Davis once attempted to sell a painting of a chair, claiming it was a 'social commentary on seating arrangements in America.' Spoiler: no one bought it..
• Headline: To Search Liners for Lindbergh Baby. Impact: The search for the Lindbergh baby not only captivated the nation but also led to the establishment of stricter aviation security protocols that inadvertently inspired the creation of the TSA, which we all know and love today.. Fact: The search was so extensive that it made 'Where's Waldo?' look like a game of hide-and-seek in a small room..
• Headline: Midland Utilities Reports.. Impact: This report triggered a wave of utility company evaluations, leading to the rise of 'energy efficiency experts,' who now charge exorbitant fees to tell you to turn off the lights when you leave the room.. Fact: Midland Utilities was actually the first to suggest that using candles could be a viable alternative energy source. Who knew they were ahead of the hipster candle trend?.
• Headline: WILL TRY JAPANESE WHO BEAT MISSIONARY; Consulate at Shanghai Also Would Pay for Damage to American Official's Auto.. Impact: This incident sparked discussions on international diplomacy, leading to the establishment of the 'Missionary Protection Act,' which no one has heard of since, because who really cares about missionaries and their autos?. Fact: The missionary was more upset about his auto than the beating, claiming it was a rare model that had 'spiritual value.'.
• Headline: DE VALERA ELECTED PRESIDENT BY DAIL; Cheered as He Is Selected to Head Cabinet -- Chooses Republican Aides. TAKES OATH OF ALLEGIANCE Party Captures Speakership, but Close Vote Presages Difficulties for Regime. DE VALERA ELECTED PRESIDENT BY DAIL. Impact: De Valera's election led to a dramatic shift in Irish politics, resulting in a series of political soap operas that still air on Irish television today. Watch out, 'Game of Thrones'!. Fact: De Valera was known for his love of poetry, which he would recite at the most unexpected times, including during parliamentary sessions. It was like having an Irish bard in a political debate..
• Headline: DENIES IRIGOYEN A TRIAL.; Argentine Judge Rules Ex-President Must Accept Pardon.. Impact: This ruling set a precedent for future political pardons, leading to an age where politicians could commit crimes with the confidence that they might just get a free pass. Thanks, justice system!. Fact: Irigoyen reportedly spent his time after the ruling perfecting his golf swing, believing that if he couldn't be president, he might as well be the best golfer in Argentina..
• Headline: Free Wine With Meals Again Is Urged at World Congress. Impact: This call for free wine sparked a global trend in dining that led to the 'Bottomless Brunch' movement, where no one actually remembers the meal or the conversation.. Fact: The idea to include free wine was proposed by a delegate who had just finished a bottle of wine and thought, 'What a great idea!' Clearly, the best ideas come from a well-lubricated brain..