MARCH 7, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Troopers Face Icy Conditions in 1932. Impact: If only a troop of time-traveling penguins had been dispatched instead! This icy road incident led to a series of unfortunate events where every holiday season, someone thinks they can drive on slushy roads with no consequences. Cue countless memes and winter driving schools.. Fact: Did you know that slushy roads are basically the universe's way of reminding you that you are not a professional ice skater?.
• Headline: Yale Celebrates Goethe's Centenary. Impact: This centenary celebration sparked a global trend of universities throwing elaborate birthday parties for dead authors. Now, every time you hear a professor drone on about Shakespeare, just know it all started here – and we haven’t stopped with the pretentiousness since.. Fact: Fun fact: Goethe once wrote a poem about a squirrel. Clearly, he knew how to capture the real struggles of life..
• Headline: Tributes at Radio Memorial Service. Impact: The public's interest in vertebrae injury led to the founding of ‘Back Pain Awareness Month’, which ironically caused more pain than awareness. Thanks to this event, chiropractors became the new rock stars of the medical field.. Fact: Fun Fact: Vertebrae are the backbone of the human body—literally. So, be nice to them!.
• Headline: Rockefeller Centre Names Art Commission; Five Experts to Pass on All Decorations. Impact: This decision led to an eternal debate over what constitutes 'art.' As a result, every holiday season now features a plethora of inflatable Santa decorations that defy all known aesthetic principles. You're welcome, America.. Fact: Did you know that art experts can argue for hours about whether a banana taped to a wall is art? Clearly, they’re not busy enough..
• Headline: Gun Held by Son Wounds Farmer.. Impact: This unfortunate incident triggered a long-standing debate on gun safety, resulting in every family reunion since being filled with awkward conversations about firearm handling. It also led to the invention of ‘the safe zone’—which is basically just a room without guns or awkward relatives.. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'don't play with guns' became a household mantra, leading to fewer accidents and more embarrassing stories..
• Headline: MISS SHEAFE TO WED OGDEND. MILLER; I Lawyer's Daughter Is to Marry Assistant Director of Easiness Administration of Yale.. Impact: This engagement set in motion a chain reaction of 'who's who' in elite social circles, eventually leading to a reality show about the lives of the ridiculously wealthy. Spoiler alert: no one is truly happy.. Fact: Did you know that most engagements are just a prelude to a very expensive party? Congratulations!.
• Headline: REPORTS FORDS DELAYED.; Youngstown Steel Men Hear Me- chanical Difficulties Hamper.. Impact: The Ford delays led to the creation of the phrase 'just-in-time delivery,' which ironically is never quite on time. This has since resulted in all 'on-time' deliveries being treated like urban legends.. Fact: Did you know that 'mechanical difficulties' is code for 'we forgot to order the right parts'?.
• Headline: RAISES FUND FOR STUDENTS; Mount Holyoke Will Continue Drive to Aid Those Lacking Finance.. Impact: This fundraising success opened the floodgates for the concept of student loans. Now, students are basically modern-day indentured servants, but hey, at least they have nice diplomas, right?. Fact: Fun fact: The phrase 'You’ll be paying for this for the rest of your life' became a popular graduation mantra..
• Headline: BREMEN CROSSING BEATS OWN RECORD; Despite Day of Fog, She Makes Trip in 4 Days 17 Hours 10 Minutes at 27.3 Knots. EUROPA 4 MINUTES FASTER Respighi Arrives to Conduct World Premiere of His Concert-Opera With the Philharmonic.. Impact: This record-breaking journey inspired countless boat races, leading to the popular but ill-fated sport of competitive fog navigation. Who knew poor visibility could be so thrilling?. Fact: Did you know that ‘knots’ is actually a nautical term and not just a way to describe how tightly your shoelaces are tied?.