JANUARY 26, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: New Head of Public Relations Appointed. Impact: This appointment led to an era of tax forms that would eventually require a PhD in deciphering hieroglyphics. Who knew public relations could turn into a labyrinth of financial despair?. Fact: Did you know that the Internal Revenue Bureau has made more people cry than bad rom-coms?.
• Headline: $583,678 Acquisition for Mt. Royal Hotel. Impact: The financial windfall for Mt. Royal Hotel Co. caused a chain reaction that led to the creation of the world's first hotel loyalty program. Because who doesn’t want to earn points for every sleepless night?. Fact: Fun fact: $583,678 in 1931 is about the price of a small country today. Or just a very fancy yacht..
• Headline: Chicago World's Fair Industrial Art Plans. Impact: This fair was so successful that it inspired future generations to believe they could cram art into places it clearly didn't belong, like a modern art piece in a Taco Bell.. Fact: Did you know that the Chicago World's Fair was one of the first places to showcase the wonders of industrial art? That’s right, art that you can also file taxes on!.
• Headline: CIVILIZATION'S BASIS SHAKEN, SAYS EINSTEIN; He Holds the World Lacks Not Intelligence but Devotion of Men to the Common Weal.. Impact: Einstein's remark sparked a movement among disgruntled philosophers and baristas everywhere, who began to ponder the meaning of life while serving overpriced coffee.. Fact: Einstein wasn't just a genius; he was also a master of stating the obvious. Civilization is shaky? Tell us something we don’t know, Albert!.
• Headline: NAVY SEEKS TO KEEP LONDON PACT QUOTA; Policy Against Change Until 1935 Is Outlined to Our Geneva Delegates.. Impact: The Navy's insistence on keeping the quota in check paved the way for future bureaucratic nightmares in international relations, where everyone just pretends to cooperate while plotting behind each other’s backs.. Fact: Did you know that the Navy and their quotas are like a strict parent? Always telling you what you can't do and never what you can!.
• Headline: URGE SHERRILL FOR ANGORA; New York Republicans Ask Hoover to Appoint General Ambassador.. Impact: Hoover's appointments were a precursor to decades of political nepotism, where 'friends in high places' became the norm, thus paving the way for your neighbor's cousin to one day run for office.. Fact: Fun fact: Getting a diplomatic appointment is basically just political bingo. How’s your luck?.
• Headline: LONDON WILL REPAY $150,000,000 MONDAY; NEW MOVE IN PARIS; Remainder of Credit Here and in France to Support Sterling Will Be Refunded. NO CUT IN GOLD RESERVES Action Expected to Stimulate Business on Markets at Home and Abroad. REPARATIONS PACT SOUGHT British Ambassador Calls on Laval In New Attempt to Reach Accord on Moratorium. LONDON WILL REPAY $150,000,000 MONDAY. Impact: London's repayment was a financial game of 'hot potato' that ultimately led to the phrase 'too big to fail' being coined, proving that one way or another, someone will always get burned.. Fact: Fun fact: $150,000,000 is roughly the amount you need to buy a small island. Or maybe just a really nice coffee machine..
• Headline: Urges 'Dictator' for Canada's Roads.. Impact: The call for a 'dictator' for roads set a precedent for future governments to hire 'road czars,' who ironically made traffic worse while giving everyone the illusion of control.. Fact: Did you know that appointing a dictator for roads is just code for 'let’s ignore the actual problem and hope it solves itself?' Classic!.
• Headline: BOAT SHOW CROWDS CONTINUE A RECORD; Builders Optimistic as Throngs View Power and Sail Craft and Sales Are Announced. 2 BIG YACHTS A FEATURE Films Display Cruisers in Action, Including Trip of Fleet From Niagara Falls to New York.. Impact: The record crowds at the boat show inadvertently led to an increase in impulse yacht purchases, forever altering the course of many a family vacation budget.. Fact: Did you know that boat shows are just fancy places for people to pretend they can afford a yacht? Spoiler: they can't..