JANUARY 24, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Death of Young Cancer Researcher. Impact: If Dr. Glover had survived, he might have discovered the key to curing cancer in the 1930s, leading to a world where we all live forever—except for the pesky issue of overpopulation. Thanks, cyanide!. Fact: Cyanide is not just a killer; it’s also a great conversation starter at parties—if you want to clear the room quickly..
• Headline: The Roeblings: A Legacy of Innovation. Impact: The Roeblings' engineering legacy inspired future generations of architects, leading to the invention of the sky bridge, which now serves as a popular backdrop for Instagram selfies.. Fact: The Roeblings were so good at building bridges that they probably could have connected the entire United States—if only they had a few more centuries to work with..
• Headline: Foggy Collision on Long Island Sound. Impact: This incident led to the creation of mandatory fog horns on ships, allowing future generations to enjoy the soothing sound of panic during their morning commutes.. Fact: The S S Robert E Lee is not to be confused with the famous general; however, both took some serious hits in foggy situations..
• Headline: NEW DESIGNS FROM THE OLD FOLK ARTS; Rare Antiques Shown With Modern Pieces at Swedish-Finnish Exhibition MODERN USES OF FOLK ART Antiques Shown With Contemporary Work. Impact: The blend of old and new in folk art sparked a renaissance of creativity, leading to the modern trend of overpriced 'vintage' decor in hipster cafes.. Fact: Folk art: because who wouldn’t want to pay $500 for a rug that looks like it was made by grandma during a particularly boring knitting session?.
• Headline: 100% GAIN IN MINING IN MANITOBA IN 1931; Year's Output Doubled -- Prov- ince Only One to Increase Value and Quantity of Production. TOTAL PUT AT $10,000,000 Mclntyre Porcupine Shows Rise in Income -- Barry-Hollinger Plans Reorganization.. Impact: The mining boom in Manitoba led to a rush of prospectors, which eventually inspired a reality TV series where contestants compete to find glittering rocks instead of love.. Fact: Mining in 1931 was so successful that it almost overshadowed the fact that everyone was still trying to recover from the Great Depression..
• Headline: SENATOR DAVIS A CANDIDATE; He Will Seek Renomination in Penn- sylvania Primary.. Impact: Senator Davis's renomination bid sparked a series of political debates, ultimately resulting in the invention of the phrase 'politics as usual'—which has been repeated ad nauseum ever since.. Fact: Senator Davis's campaign slogan was likely something like 'Vote for me, I’m not the other guy!' Real original, huh?.
• Headline: THIS WEEK IN NEW YORK: RECENTLY OPENED SHOWS. Impact: The recent art shows led to an explosion of creativity that resulted in some truly baffling modern art pieces, like a giant canvas painted entirely in beige—true genius, I tell you!. Fact: Recent shows in New York are a great way to pretend you understand art, especially when you nod thoughtfully and say, 'Ah, yes, the existential crisis is palpable.'.
• Headline: GERMANS DENOUNCE LAVAL'S DEBT STAND; Socialist Newspaper Asserts He Provided Propaganda for National-Socialists.. Impact: The German denouncement of Laval's debt stance led to a complex web of international relations, ultimately resulting in modern-day Twitter wars—because nothing says diplomacy like 280 characters of shade.. Fact: The term 'debt stand' sounds like the worst yoga position ever—one that nobody wants to hold for too long..
• Headline: GUATEMALA SHOWERED WITH VOLCANIC STONES; No Loss of Life Is Reported, but Ashes Are Carried Over a Wide Area.. Impact: The volcanic stones raining down on Guatemala led to a newfound appreciation for volcanic rock, paving the way for the trendy 'volcanic stone spa treatment'—because nothing screams relaxation like hot ash.. Fact: Guatemala's volcanic stones might have been more effective than any caffeine boost for the coffee plantations—especially when you consider the coffee beans were probably buried under a layer of ash..
• Headline: ATTACK FORMATION CUT; New Fast Types Flown in Pairs Instead of Threes by Army at Kelly Field -- Planes Are Heavily Armed. Impact: The new attack formation cut potentially made army aviation tactics more efficient, leading to future airshow disasters where pilots tried to impress the crowd by ignoring all safety regulations.. Fact: Flying in pairs instead of threes? That’s just a fancy way of saying, 'Let’s make this a little less crowded in the sky—and way more dangerous!'.