JANUARY 21, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Relaxed Tariffs to Boost French Trade. Impact: If only they had relaxed those tariffs, we might have found a way to trade baguettes for hot dogs. Instead, the international cuisine scene evolved into a glorious battle of culinary supremacy, leading to the invention of the fusion taco.. Fact: Did you know that tariffs are like the annoying sibling of trade agreements? Always there, making everything more complicated..
• Headline: Agreement Dispute with Managers in 1932. Impact: Gillmore's denial about the agreement could have led to a world where managers and performers lived in harmony. But alas, it spiraled into the eventual 'Manager's Lounge' where egos clashed and dreams were shelved.. Fact: In the world of theater, denials are just plot twists waiting to happen. Welcome to the soap opera of management!.
• Headline: San Francisco Bay Bridge Plan Approved. Impact: The San Francisco Bridge Plan being approved might have changed the course of history. Imagine if they had built a bridge to nowhere instead; we’d have a major tourist attraction and a lot less traffic.. Fact: Building a bridge is like making a commitment: it takes a lot of planning and is often met with skepticism until it’s finally done… and then everyone just complains about the tolls..
• Headline: Article 5 -- No Title. Impact: This lack of aerial defenses could have led to a world where we all had to rely on carrier pigeons for communication. Thank goodness for the internet that came much later!. Fact: Aerial defenses may sound like a superhero's job, but in reality, it's just a bunch of bureaucrats arguing over who gets to fly the drones..
• Headline: BLOCK INQUIRY TO LINK TARIFF TO DEPRESSION; Progressives Join With Democrats to Shelve Move Held to Aim at Duty Increases.. Impact: Blocking the inquiry could have led to a series of economic debacles that kept repeating themselves, much like a bad sitcom that just won't get canceled, influencing future tariff debates.. Fact: Progressives and Democrats working together is like finding a unicorn—rare and often met with disbelief. Where's the reality show for this?.
• Headline: ESCAPE ON BRIDGE FROM PRISON VAN; Two Alleged Counterfeiters, Handcuffed, Crawl Out Window on Brooklyn Approach. LEAP 20 FEET TO STREET One Breaks Leg, the Other an Arm, but Two Policemen See Them Take Taxi and Recapture Them.. Impact: This daring escape might have inspired a whole new genre of prison escape films, leading to a cinematic universe where every escape is more ridiculous than the last.. Fact: When life gives you a prison van, apparently, you just crawl out of the window and hope for the best. Also, taxis are surprisingly convenient for a getaway..
• Headline: DIPHTHERIA ON RISE HERE.; Disease Is at Peak Since 1929, Dr. Wynne Says, Urging Immunization.. Impact: The rise of diphtheria led to increased public health efforts, resulting in the eventual invention of immunizations that would save millions—proof that even a disease can have a silver lining.. Fact: Diphtheria: reminding us that sometimes, public health crises can lead to scientists becoming unsung heroes. Who knew germs could be so motivational?.
• Headline: Article 6 -- No Title. Impact: The National Assembly's investigation could have unveiled a web of corruption so tangled that it would inspire a new generation of conspiracy theorists, leading to more 'truthers' than ever before.. Fact: Commissions in politics are like finding money in your coat pocket: shocking and often raises more questions than it answers..
• Headline: BORAH GETS STIMSON FILES.; Correspondence on Manchuria Sent for Senator's Private Information. Impact: Borah getting the Stimson files might have led to an alternate history where senators become the ultimate gossip columnists, leaking secrets instead of just discussing them in closed rooms.. Fact: Diplomatic correspondence: the original 'Dear Diary' for politicians who want to keep a record of all their secrets… and all their regrets..