JANUARY 13, 1932

Full News Archive

• Headline: Brazil's Barter Deal Controversy. Impact: The Brazil barter protests led to a global coffee shortage in the 21st century when a group of hipsters mistakenly believed they could trade artisanal wheat for ethically sourced coffee beans, resulting in a revolution of caffeine-deprived baristas.. Fact: Coffee was once so valuable that it was used as currency in parts of the world. Guess we should've just traded it for our wheat instead!.
• Headline: Failed British-French Reparations Talks. Impact: The failure of the British-French accord on reparations sparked a trend of diplomatic meetings that could be summarized as 'let's sit awkwardly in silence until someone suggests we order takeout'—a format still in use today.. Fact: Sir Frederick Leith-Ross probably had better luck negotiating for a table at a restaurant than for reparations. Maybe he should've tried that instead..
• Headline: Vienna Arms Raid Shakes Community. Impact: The arms raid in Vienna inadvertently inspired a generation of underground clubs that took 'bring your own weapons' to a whole new level of performance art.. Fact: The workmen’s club was just a cover for a secret arm wrestling league. Who knew that biceps were the real weapon of choice in Ottakring?.
• Headline: ANNULS HENDRICKS DECREE.; California Appellate Court Finds for Wife and Orders Retrial.. Impact: The annulment of the Hendricks decree set a precedent for courts everywhere, leading to an explosion of reality TV shows where exes fight for custody of their pets in front of a live audience.. Fact: In California, divorce is so common that 'splitting assets' includes a 50/50 share of the Netflix account. Now that’s what I call a real partnership!.
• Headline: PRESIDENT PEASE QUITS AT AMHERST; He Resigns to Become Pro- fessor of Latin and Creek at Harvard. LEFAVOUR WILL RETIRE President of Simmons College Has Served for Thirty Years Since It Was Founded.. Impact: President Pease's resignation from Amherst triggered a butterfly effect that resulted in a nationwide competition among college professors to see who could make Latin sound the most exciting—spoiler alert: they all lost.. Fact: Becoming a professor is basically the academic equivalent of retiring to Florida. No wonder he jumped ship!.
• Headline: Lock Up Cashier, Flee With $14,300. Impact: The cashier's robbery led to nationwide panic in banks, resulting in the invention of the 'invisible vault'—a concept so popular that now no one knows where their money is.. Fact: The robber probably just wanted to fund their dream vacation. Who needs a solid plan when you can just wing it with someone else’s cash?.
• Headline: Feud Fight in a Sofia Street Ends With One Man Wounded. Impact: The feud fight in Sofia became legendary, eventually inspiring a series of video games where players battle it out in the streets for glory, loot, and the ultimate title of 'Sofia's Brawler.'. Fact: They say street fights are just a form of extreme team-building. Too bad they didn't have a 'team' in this brawl!.