JULY 13, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Collision in West Seneca. Impact: If only those two hadn't collided with destiny, perhaps a future world record for the most awkward carpool karaoke could have been set instead. But alas, the universe had other plans, and now we’re all deprived of that talent show.. Fact: Carpooling is supposed to save the planet, but in this case, it just led to a tragic headline. Irony at its finest..
• Headline: Bankers Unite for Global Economic Support. Impact: The bankers' meeting was the butterfly flapping its wings that would later lead to a global economic butterfly effect. Who knew that a bunch of suits discussing money could lead to the invention of Bitcoin? Oh wait, they didn't.. Fact: In the world of finance, 'harmony' is just another word for 'let's pretend we know what we're doing while the economy burns.'.
• Headline: Nagel Conducts Concert at Mecca Temple. Impact: This concert could be the event that inspired a future generation of musicians. Or it could have just been another night where people pretended to appreciate art while secretly checking their phones.. Fact: Concert-goers in the 1920s definitely had different 'vibes.' Imagine the Instagram posts—oh wait, no Instagram..
• Headline: Belgian Congo Revolt Reported.. Impact: The Belgian Congo revolt sparked a series of events that would ultimately lead to the end of colonialism in Africa. So, thanks for that, rebels—your fight wasn't in vain.. Fact: Revolts in history often lead to change, which sounds great until you consider how many people suffer in the process. History: the ultimate double-edged sword..
• Headline: Drowns After Playing Baseball.. Impact: This unfortunate incident could be the reason why baseball is now considered a spectator sport—no one wants to risk drowning while playing catch.. Fact: Legend has it, Reddy's last words were, 'Just one more inning!' Baseball truly is a game of life and death..
• Headline: CHRIST'S CODE IS URGED AS WORLD UNION BASIS; Dr. Speer Says the Depression, Tariffs and Armaments Show the Need for Cooperation.. Impact: Dr. Speer's call for unity through Christ's code might have been the spark for future movements. Who knew that a little divine intervention could lead to more bureaucracy?. Fact: The phrase 'world union' certainly sounds better than 'global chaos,' but let's be real—good luck getting everyone on the same page..
• Headline: CITES DIVIDED VIEW ON TOBACCO TARIFF; Commission's Report on Wrapper Production Tells of Trade's Interest in Imports.SUMATRA COSTS EXAMINEDChinese Are Employed There Undera Contract Labor Wage of 20to 24 Cents a Day.. Impact: This report on tobacco tariffs is what eventually led to the great 'Tobacco Wars' of the late 20th century, where smokers fought valiantly for their right to cough in peace.. Fact: Yes, Chinese workers were paid a pittance for their labor, but hey, at least they got to enjoy the sweet aroma of cigar wrappers. Small victories!.
• Headline: TARIFF BOARD WORK IS TOLD IN SURVEY; President Hoover Issues Report on Accomplishments Under the Flexible Clause. HELD ANSWER TO CRITICS Investigations on 229 Articles Were Authorized in 9 Months and 110 Completed. ALL BUT 35 TAKEN UP All but 2 Recommendations Are Approved by Hoover--These 2 Returned for Review. Increases and Decreases. Increases Approved by Hoover. The Commission Sums Up. Status of Pending Applications.. Impact: Hoover's report might have been the catalyst for future political transparency, or it could just be an example of how to bury inconvenient truths under a mountain of paperwork.. Fact: Flexible tariffs are like flexible diets—everyone claims they’re on one, but in reality, it’s just a free-for-all..
• Headline: PAYS 1928 ELECTION BET.; R.C. Schindler Gives Dinner Wagered in Paris Against Hoover.. Impact: This dinner could be the reason behind future bets on elections, spawning a culture of political gambling that would make Las Vegas proud. 'Betting on democracy'—it has a nice ring to it.. Fact: Paying an election bet with dinner sounds fancy, but in reality, it's just a more civilized way of saying, 'You owe me a meal because your guy lost.'.
• Headline: SUBMIT BIDS TODAY TO WIDEN ALLEN ST.; Contractors Seeking the Job Will Have 140 Working Days to Create 138-Foot Parkway. 100 BUILDINGS TO BE RAZED Levy Predicts Great Benefits to Traffic From Link to First Avenue and Bridges. TO INCLUDE PLAY AREAS Treatment to Be Similar to That Above Delancey St., Roadways Flanking Central Strip.. Impact: The widening of Allen St. was the start of urban sprawl, which led to the inevitable need for more parking spaces—because who doesn’t love a good traffic jam?. Fact: Razing 100 buildings is a great way to make room for progress—unless you were one of those buildings. Then it’s just rude..