JUNE 22, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Tragic Heat Wave Strikes in 1931. Impact: The tragic drowning incidents led to a surge in the popularity of inflatable pool toys, forever changing summer vacations. Little did they know, this would eventually lead to the invention of the inflatable avocado, which now graces every millennial's Instagram feed.. Fact: Did you know that drowning in a crowded beach is about as popular as a bad haircut in the '80s? No one wants to talk about it, but here we are..
• Headline: Merchants Support Freight Rate Increase. Impact: The rise in freight rates sparked a nationwide rebellion among truck drivers who, in a fit of rage, decided to play hopscotch across the country to protest. This led to the formation of the 'Freight Rate Hopscotch League'—a sport that never quite caught on.. Fact: Did you know that 'reasonable advance' is just corporate speak for 'we're going to charge you more, but we’ll pretend it’s for your own good'?.
• Headline: Janitor Killed in Police Pistol Battle. Impact: The police shooting sent shockwaves through the community, ultimately leading to the formation of numerous community watch groups, which, ironically, often just ended up watching Netflix instead.. Fact: Did you know that being a janitor is one of the most dangerous jobs? All that mopping and sweeping can lead to some serious arguments—clearly, a lesson in keeping the peace..
• Headline: QUEENS BRIDGE ROAD TO OPEN THURSDAY; APPROACHES TO NEW QUEENSBORO BRIDGE ROADWAY. Impact: The opening of the Queensboro Bridge Road sparked a massive increase in traffic jams, leading to the invention of the car radio and ultimately the rise of terrible karaoke sessions in vehicles everywhere.. Fact: Did you know that the Queensboro Bridge was originally designed to make traffic worse? Just kidding—it's a classic case of 'what were they thinking?'.
• Headline: THE NOVEL-POEM.. Impact: The novel-poem hybrid created a literary revolution that inspired countless authors to blend genres, resulting in the eventual rise of the 'Instagram poem'—a form of art that requires no actual talent.. Fact: Did you know that the term 'novel-poem' is just a fancy way of saying 'we're still figuring out what this is'?.
• Headline: FRENCH EDITOR SEES TROUBLE IN FUTURE; Sauerwein Asks What We Will Do on Debts if Germany Does Not Pay After a Year. FINDS NO GAIN FOR FRANCE Believes Germany Would Give All the Credit for Relief to the United States.. Impact: Sauerwein's speculation on Germany's debts set off a string of distrust that eventually led to World War II, which historians now refer to as 'the world's longest and most expensive argument over money.'. Fact: Did you know that politics is just a series of unfortunate misunderstandings? Like a really bad game of telephone, but with nations..
• Headline: Find Body of Merchant in River.. Impact: The discovery of the merchant's body led to a series of amateur detective clubs forming across the city, ultimately resulting in a reality TV show that nobody asked for but everyone watched anyway.. Fact: Did you know that finding a body in a river is usually a sign that someone had a really bad day? Just a friendly reminder to stay away from shady waterways..
• Headline: TO SEEK EXTRADITION IN VOGEL SLAYINGS; Greenwich Authorities Will Ask for Return of H.P. Richards From Bayonne.. Impact: The extradition plea was a pivotal moment in the rise of true crime podcasts, as people became obsessed with the drama and intrigue surrounding criminal cases, leading to an explosion of 'murder mystery' themed dinner parties.. Fact: Did you know that extradition is just a fancy word for 'we want him back, and we’re serious about it'? It’s like sending back the wrong Amazon package—nobody wants that..
• Headline: FIRST DAY OF SUMMER RAISES OLD ZOO ISSUE; Last-Day-of-Spring Faction Is Disgruntled as Heat Seems toDispute Its Stand.. Impact: The zoo issue brought attention to animal rights, eventually leading to the rise of veganism and the popularization of animal-based influencers on social media—because who wouldn’t want to follow a cute dog that eats kale?. Fact: Did you know that some people actually believe animals have opinions on human seasons? Spoiler alert: they don’t. They just want food..