APRIL 18, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Barnes Advocates Against Wage Cuts. Impact: Had Barnes not opposed the wage cut, we might have seen a rise in 'Unemployed Fashion', where jobless folks would strut around in the latest tattered trends, completely revolutionizing the fashion industry. Barnes truly saved the world from a fashion catastrophe!. Fact: Fun fact: The Chamber of Commerce has always been a hotbed for debates about wages, probably because they have enough money to argue about it..
• Headline: Notable Divorce of Music Composer. Impact: Nacio H. Brown's divorce could have sparked a wave of songwriters focusing on heartbreak, leading to an entire genre of sad songs that would make everyone question their life choices. Thanks, Nacio, for the emotional rollercoaster!. Fact: Divorce settlements have long been known to fund some of the best pop songs. So, in a way, Nacio's ex-wife is basically a music producer..
• Headline: JAILED FOR $108,000 THEFT.; Bank Cashier Stole Depositor's Securities From Vault.. Impact: Olivetti's theft could have led to a rise in 'banking heist' movies two decades earlier. Imagine the Hollywood blockbusters featuring dramatic vault escapes and slow-motion getaway scenes.. Fact: Bank cashiers have been the unsung heroes of many heist movies. Too bad they never get to play the lead roles..
• Headline: PROMISES TO SPEED BUS APPLICATIONS; McKee Says Franchise Forms Will Be Adopted Tuesday and Names Filled In. NINE PROPOSALS HEARD Emergency Operators Protest-- Board Asks Veto of Bill Widening Transit Body's Powers. Asks Thayer Bill Veto. Protest by Bondholders.. Impact: By promising to speed up bus applications, McKee unintentionally set the stage for future bureaucrats to create forms that could rival the length of a Tolstoy novel. Thanks to him, we now have the 'infinite loop of paperwork'.. Fact: The art of form-filling has been perfected over centuries. Some say it's a rite of passage into adulthood!.
• Headline: AUSTRALIAN CRISIS FORCED BY SENATE; General Election Likely Within Three Months as Currency Bill Is Rejected. BANK SERVES "ULTIMATUM" Commonwealth Institution Warns of Limits on Overdrafts--Scullin Holds On for Test at Polls.. Impact: The Australian Senate's crisis may have resulted in all future political discussions being held over coffee and biscuits, thus establishing the Australian tradition of 'serious talks over snacks'.. Fact: Australia's political debates are often more about the snacks than the actual policies. Who can focus on budget cuts with a Tim Tam in hand?.
• Headline: TOPICS OF THE TIMES.. Impact: The mere mention of 'elections' could have created a time loop where everyone keeps voting without any actual change, leading to an eternal cycle of political promises that no one intends to keep.. Fact: Elections are the only event where people willingly line up for hours to choose their favorite person to ignore them for the next few years..
• Headline: Says Tax on Oil Man's Estate Will Erase Oklahoma's Deficit. Impact: The tax on T.B. Slick's estate could have inspired a new trend where billionaires start hiding their wealth in 'invisible' estates, leading to a future where rich people play hide and seek with the IRS.. Fact: Oklahoma's deficit might just be a fancy way of saying they spent too much on cowboy boots and not enough on infrastructure..