FEBRUARY 26, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: German Concerns Over Naval Accord. Impact: This unease sparked a series of conspiracy theories, leading to a secret society of German nationalists who believed the British were using fish and chips as a form of mind control. Spoiler: it didn't work.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason the Germans were uneasy was because they couldn't figure out how to pronounce 'H.M.S. Nelson' without sounding ridiculous?.
• Headline: Alaska Salmon Packers Reduce Production. Impact: The reduction in salmon output led to a global salmon shortage that caused people to panic and hoard fish, resulting in the infamous 'Salmon Wars' of the early '30s. Who knew fish could cause such chaos?. Fact: Did you know that if you line up all the salmon caught in Alaska in 1932, they would circle the Earth approximately 1.5 times? But who's counting, right?.
• Headline: Court Orders Wine Seizure Return. Impact: This event set off a chain reaction of legal disputes over wine, leading to the creation of the first 'Wine Rights Movement.' They didn't get far, but at least they had good taste.. Fact: Did you know that police once seized a whole shipment of wine because they thought it was grape juice? Turns out, they just really wanted to throw a party..
• Headline: Asks House Prohibition Inquiry.. Impact: This inquiry led to a national obsession with prohibition, which later inspired countless sitcoms, movies, and a few questionable dance moves at parties.. Fact: Did you know that the House Judiciary Committee's inquiries were so long and boring that even the ghosts of founding fathers started to take naps?.
• Headline: Keene (N.H.) Couple Wed 69 Years. Impact: This couple's 69-year marriage inspired a reality TV show about long-lasting love, which was promptly canceled after one episode revealed they still argued about who forgot to take the trash out.. Fact: Did you know that they're now in the Guinness World Records for 'Most Likely to Ignore Each Other at Family Gatherings'? Just kidding, they were actually quite sweet..
• Headline: Court Orders Liquor Returned When Warrant Has Wrong Date. Impact: This ruling inadvertently created a black market for wine with incorrect dates, sparking a new trend in illegal parties where the guests debated the historical accuracy of their wine labels.. Fact: Did you know that wine tastes better when it's legally obtained? But hey, who needs laws when you have grape juice?.
• Headline: BRITISH NAVY MEN FETED.; They Give a Smoker for Americans on H.M.S. Nelson at Balboa.. Impact: This event sparked a diplomatic rivalry where both navies are still trying to outdo each other in who can throw the best 'smoker' party. Spoiler: The British won with their tea and crumpets.. Fact: Did you know that the real reason the Americans attended was to get free snacks? Let's be honest, who can resist a good military buffet?.
• Headline: KILLS BILL PROPOSING STATE POLICE PENSIONS; Legislative Committee Grants Plea of Firemen and Policemen Against Control Transfer.. Impact: This bill's defeat created a rift between firemen and policemen, leading to a legendary rivalry that included a series of prank wars that lasted for decades. Firemen and cops, always keeping it spicy.. Fact: Did you know that the main argument against the pension bill was that firemen believed they deserved more 'fire' and less 'pension'? No one really understood it, but it was entertaining..
• Headline: Sheppard Offers a Bill to Ban Fruit Juices; Would Amend Dry Law to Prevent Their Sale. Impact: This failed attempt to ban fruit juices led to a fruit rebellion where apples and oranges protested for their rights, resulting in the first 'Fruit Rights Movement,' but it quickly withered away.. Fact: Did you know that if fruit juices were banned, we would have had to survive solely on water? The horror!.