JANUARY 23, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Merano Triumphs at Newbury Races. Impact: Emanuel's Merano winning the race sparked a global obsession with horse betting, which eventually led to the creation of online gambling. Thanks, horses, for ruining our productivity!. Fact: Fun fact: Horses have no idea they’re racing for a bunch of humans who can’t even run a mile without wheezing..
• Headline: Disagreement Among Educators at Rollins. Impact: The debates on student interests led to the eventual birth of a thousand useless college degrees, proving once and for all that every interest deserves a curriculum.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'student interests' is just code for 'we want your tuition money'?.
• Headline: Albanian-American Treaty Signed.. Impact: The Albanian-American Treaty paved the way for a wave of Albanian immigrants, ultimately introducing America to the unique taste of Fërgesë and the concept of not knowing where Albania is on a map.. Fact: Fun fact: The only thing more confusing than the Albanian-American Treaty is trying to pronounce 'Albania' correctly..
• Headline: FAITH HEALING WINS ANGLICAN APPROVAL; Lower House of Canterbury Convocation Endorses Its Principles, 197 to 3. ASKS FOR AN OFFICIAL RITE Petitions Archbishop to Appoint Board to Draw Up Service for Laying On of Hands.. Impact: The Anglican approval of faith healing led to a spike in alternative medicine practices, which somehow culminated in the rise of essential oils being marketed as 'cures' for everything from headaches to heartbreak.. Fact: Did you know that faith healing is basically just a fancy way to say 'I have no medical training but I can pray really hard'?.
• Headline: SAYS GAS RATE CUT IS DUE IN BROOKLYN; Hotchner Points to the Decrease in Production Costs of the Brooklyn Union Company. FIGHTS INITIAL CHARGE PLAN City Expert, at Final Session of Two-Year Rehearing, Holds it Would Burden Small Users. Gas Counsel Questions Figures. Taxpayer Charges Partiality.. Impact: The Brooklyn gas rate debate ended up sparking a city-wide protest movement that led to the invention of the Brooklyn Hipster Gas Company, which only serves organic, locally sourced gas.. Fact: Fun fact: If you ever want to start a debate, just mention gas prices in Brooklyn. It's like throwing a match on a campfire..
• Headline: FOR ALTERING HEALTH BILL.; House Committee Ends Hearing on Cooper Maternity Measure.. Impact: The discussions around the Cooper Maternity Measure eventually led to a flurry of regulations that made maternity leave a hot-button issue, forever changing the dynamics of workplace policy discussions.. Fact: Did you know that discussing maternity bills in Congress is like watching paint dry, but with more shouting?.
• Headline: QUIT POLICE TO BE FIREMEN; Eight of Mulrooney's Men Among 40 Additions to Dorman's List.. Impact: In a shocking twist, the transfer of policemen to the fire department led to a series of comedic misunderstandings, including a rescue mission where the firemen thought they were responding to a donut shop fire.. Fact: Did you know that in the world of public service, switching jobs is basically just a game of 'who can wear a different uniform?'.