JANUARY 18, 1931

Full News Archive

• Headline: Trusts Hold Over $211 Million in Assets. Impact: The $211 million in trust holdings led to the creation of the first-ever hedge fund for squirrels, who began investing in acorns and became the richest rodents in history.. Fact: In 1923, you could buy a house for less than a cup of coffee today. Meanwhile, these trusts were just hoarding all the cash..
• Headline: JURY DISAGREEMENT ENDS EWALD TRIAL; Blanket Dismissal of All in Case Asked as Jurors Fail at Verdict in 19 Hours. PLEA SET FOR THURSDAY Todd to Consult Bennett on Dropping Prosecution of Ewalds and Healy. Many Ballots Taken. End of All Indictments Asked. JURY DISAGREEMENT ENDS EWALD TRIAL Syme to Ask for Delay.. Impact: The Ewald trial's jury disagreement led to a bizarre chain reaction where all future juries began deliberating on pizza toppings instead of serious crimes, effectively reducing the crime rate.. Fact: Jury duty: where you can spend 19 hours debating pizza instead of actual justice. Welcome to the modern legal system!.
• Headline: MORE PEOPLE NOW AT THE HELM; Number of Boats Has More Than Doubled in Last Ten Years and Greater Increase Is Promised for the Future A Floating Home. Improving Waterways.. Impact: The doubling of motor boats led to a massive increase in waterway traffic, resulting in a postal service for ducks that still operates today.. Fact: If you think traffic jams are bad on land, try being a duck in a motor boat-filled waterway. Quack-tastrophe!.
• Headline: MANY FINE HOMES IN BAY RIDGE AREA; Modern Apartment Development Looked For Along Scenic Shore Drive.. Impact: The development of fine homes in Bay Ridge led to a dramatic increase in housewarming parties, which ultimately resulted in the invention of the 'silent party' due to noise complaints.. Fact: Modern apartment development is just a fancy way of saying, 'Come live in a shoebox with a view!'.
• Headline: ARMY SIX DEFEATS BATES EASILY, 7-1; Cadets Exhibit Better Skating and Stick Work in Game at West Point Arena. DARCEY GETS THREE GOALS Victors Get Goal in Each of First and Second Periods and Add Five More in Third.. Impact: Army Six's easy victory inspired a new training program that eventually led to a generation of elite cadets who could out-skate professional hockey players while blindfolded.. Fact: The real reason they scored 7 goals? They were just trying to impress the ice cream truck parked outside!.
• Headline: 5 VOLUNTEER FIREMEN OF THE CITY SURVIVE; More Than 86 Years Old, Each Gets $300 Monthly, According to Benevolent Fund Accounting.. Impact: The survival of five volunteer firemen over 86 years old led to the creation of a new fire safety campaign that involved knitting safety nets, which surprisingly reduced fires by 50%.. Fact: They say age is just a number, but in the fire department, it's also a reason to wear a life jacket while fighting flames!.
• Headline: A VILLAGE WITHOUT MEN. Impact: The village's transition to an 'Adamless Eden' inspired a movement for single-gender communities, leading to the creation of the first-ever 'No Boys Allowed' club that still exists today.. Fact: An Adamless Eden? Sounds like a paradise where no one has to deal with socks on the floor!.