DECEMBER 6, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Steam Engines Revived for Ford Museum. Impact: Little did they know, refitting those steam engines for Henry Ford's museum would lead to a revival of interest in steam power that would inspire a new generation of hipsters to start crafting artisanal coffee on vintage machinery.. Fact: Speaking of steam engines, did you know they also make great coffee machines? Just kidding, please don’t try that at home..
• Headline: Tribute to Dr. Silverman at Temple Emanu-El. Impact: Dr. Silverman's legacy of the Temple Emanu-El Brotherhood would echo through history, inadvertently leading to a bizarre future where everyone thinks 'Brotherhood' means wearing matching sweaters at family gatherings.. Fact: A memorial service can be a great place to catch up on all the gossip. Just be careful who you talk to!.
• Headline: WORLD BANK GAINS SLIGHT IN NOVEMBER; Increase in Business Is Only $18,000,000 Over October-- Peak for Year Seen. DECREASE DUE THIS MONTH Withdrawals to Meet Commitments of Allies to United States Will Reach $100,000,000 in December.. Impact: The World Bank's slight gain in November would set off a chain reaction of economic discussions leading to many sleepless nights for economists debating if $18 million really counts as 'slight'.. Fact: If you ever feel bad about your finances, remember: at least you aren’t trying to explain an $18 million increase in business to a room full of bewildered accountants..
• Headline: CHANDLESS OUSTED LIKELY TO RUN AGAIN; Dropped by Unanimous Vote of Jersey Senate, He Is Expected to Seek Re-election in May. ISSUE IS UNPRECEDENTED Thomson, Bergen Leader, Predicts Resentment at Legislator's Expulsion for Misconduct. Chancellor Refuses Writ.. Impact: Chandless's ousting would inspire future politicians to invest in better PR strategies, ensuring that public expulsion becomes a trendy form of political drama.. Fact: Fun fact: 'Chancellor' sounds way cooler than 'guy who got kicked out of the Senate for misconduct'..
• Headline: FRANCE MAY 'DRAFT' POINCARE AS PREMIER; Some Other, Perhaps Barthou or Steeg, May Try to Form an Interim Ministry. UNION OF PARTIES NEEDED Present Situation Complicated Further by Division Between Senate and Chamber. Abstained From Senate Vote. POINCARE MAY AGAIN BEFRANCE'S PREMIER Tardieu Called a Year Ago. Poincare Pressed to Take Post. Leaders See President.. Impact: Poincare's potential return as Premier would lead to future politicians thinking ‘if at first you don’t succeed, just keep coming back until you annoy everyone enough to vote for you’.. Fact: Remember, in politics, if you can't convince them with facts, just keep running until they forget why they didn't like you in the first place..
• Headline: Article 1 -- No Title. Impact: The individual's arrest for trying to obtain a loan on a ring would spark a movement of people attempting the same scam, leading to an underground world of bling-based loans, proving that crime really does pay... in the short term.. Fact: Ever wonder why pawn shops exist? It’s because someone thought a shiny ring was worth more than their dignity..