NOVEMBER 12, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Cashier Foils $8,000 Payroll Heist. Impact: This robbery attempt led to the invention of the 'guys with guns' training program for cashiers, which inspired future heists to be more theatrical, though thankfully less successful.. Fact: Did you know that the phrase 'can't open the safe' became the go-to excuse for everything from missing homework to avoiding awkward conversations?.
• Headline: Prince of Wales' Plea for Peace. Impact: The Prince's call for peace inadvertently sparked a series of overzealous peace rallies that somehow turned into competitive 'look how peaceful we are' contests.. Fact: Did you know that the Prince of Wales' actual job description includes 'distantly reminding everyone of past wars while wearing fancy hats'?.
• Headline: Commemorative Exercises at Bolivar Fete. Impact: The Bolivar fete planning turned into an annual competition among South American leaders for the most extravagant celebrations, leading to an entire industry of over-the-top festivals.. Fact: Did you know that 'fete' is French for 'party,' but in this context, it might as well mean 'excuse to overindulge'?.
• Headline: PLAYGROUND CASE STIRS MAYOR'S ANGER; He Resents Community Councils' 'Interference' at School and Sees Basis for Disputes.. Impact: This playground dispute led to the eventual rise of 'adult playgrounds' in cities, featuring swings for stressed-out office workers and slides for politicians looking for a quick escape.. Fact: Did you know that playgrounds are the original venues for social disputes? Who knew swings could spark political fury?.
• Headline: BAN ON MANGANESE FROM RUSSIA ASKED; Producers Attack Soviet in Washington Brief Repeating Charges of Dumping. ASSAIL STEEL INSTITUTE Declare Industry It Represents Is "Spokesman for International Brigand.". Impact: The manganese embargo request eventually led to a black market for the metal, which, ironically, became the basis for numerous 'manganese enthusiast' clubs, complete with secret handshakes.. Fact: Did you know that manganese is essential for steel production? So basically, this whole debacle was about making things stronger while throwing around accusations..
• Headline: MEETING TO DISCUSS NEW KU KLUX ACTIVITY; Former Members of Huntington L.I., to Decide on Joining the White Band, Inc.. Impact: This meeting about Ku Klux Klan activity led to a bizarre chain of events in which former members became the world's worst book club, focusing entirely on how to not be racist but failing miserably.. Fact: Did you know that the Klan's membership meetings were so poorly organized that even their ghosts would haunt them for better planning?.
• Headline: THE NEW BEHAVIOR.. Impact: Ed's book on new behavior inspired a wave of self-help trends that ultimately led to the rise of 'extreme mindfulness,' where people began meditating on the existential dread of their own existence.. Fact: Did you know that 'new behavior' is just a fancy way of saying 'I’ve run out of excuses for why I don’t have my life together'?.
• Headline: FRENCH ARMY CHIEFS MOURN GENERAL BLISS; Petain, Maginot and Weygand Send Their Condolences to Washington.. Impact: The mourning of General Bliss led to a bizarre trend in military funerals where generals decided to outdo each other with increasingly elaborate tributes, turning solemn events into competitive spectacles.. Fact: Did you know that General Bliss was so well-liked that even his enemies sent flowers? Now that's what I call a 'blissful' legacy..
• Headline: FIRE EVICTS 18 FAMILIES.; Blaze, Fed by Fuel Oil, Sweeps Long Beach Apartment House.. Impact: The fire that evicted families sparked a new trend in urban planning where fire safety became the centerpiece of apartment designs, leading to a boom in fire drill-themed reality TV shows.. Fact: Did you know that 'fire drill' is just another way of saying 'let's practice panicking together'?.
• Headline: KEMAL IN TALKING FILM.; Movietone Records Turkish President's Activities on His Farm.. Impact: Kemal's movietone recording became the basis for future political figures attempting to 'brand' themselves through cinema, leading to more politicians starring in reality TV than actually governing.. Fact: Did you know that Kemal’s farm activities were so riveting that they were almost made into a soap opera? Spoiler alert: the crops always win..