SEPTEMBER 20, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Guldahl's Stellar Start at St. Louis Open. Impact: Guldahl's performance inspired a generation of golfers to believe that par is merely a suggestion, leading to the infamous 'Six Below Par' incentive program, where players were rewarded for playing as poorly as possible.. Fact: The real reason golfers wear those ridiculous outfits? To distract from their scores!.
• Headline: Debate on Tariffs and Economic Prosperity. Impact: This proclamation set off a chain reaction of economists deciding that the best way to stimulate the economy was to write increasingly complicated articles that nobody understood, leading to a rise in coffee consumption among graduate students.. Fact: You can always tell an economist by their ability to turn a simple concept into a 10,000-word thesis that no one will ever read!.
• Headline: Einstein's Radical New Field Theory Paper. Impact: Einstein's paper sparked a debate that eventually led to the creation of the 'Fools of Physics' club, where members gather to discuss theories while wearing tinfoil hats, believing that the universe is run by sentient black holes.. Fact: Einstein once said, 'If I have seen further, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.' In reality, he just had really good shoes..
• Headline: WOULD CUT OFF MOTHER.; Daughter of Late W.J. Fullerton Seeks Estate for Other Heirs.. Impact: This family drama inspired a new reality TV show concept called 'Cut Off,' where families compete to see who can best ignore their relatives while fighting over a modest inheritance.. Fact: Family drama: the only sport where everyone wins if you lose!.
• Headline: ENDS LIFE IN 11-STORY LEAF; A.B. Herpolsheimer, Hahn Stores Director, Jumps From Hotel Room.. Impact: This tragic event led to a surge in the popularity of motivational posters that say, 'When life gets tough, just leaf it behind!' If only A.B. had seen one.. Fact: Suicide is a serious issue, and for those in need, there are always people ready to listen and help. Remember, it's okay to ask for help!.
• Headline: VOLIVA NAMED IN SUIT FOR $10,000,000 LAND; J. Hamilton Lewis Acts for Four Charging Their Zion City Lots Were Seized.. Impact: The lawsuit became a blueprint for future land disputes, leading to the rise of a new profession: professional land squabblers, who specialize in sitting on parcels of land until someone offers them a snack.. Fact: In the world of real estate, the only thing more valuable than land is the ability to argue about it for hours on end!.
• Headline: SILLS FUNERAL HELD.; Members of Family and Close Friends Attend Services.. Impact: This somber event led to an unexpected uptick in interest in funeral planning, resulting in the rise of elaborate themed funerals, making death the new party trend.. Fact: Funerals: the only time you can wear black and be socially acceptable while talking about how you 'really should catch up' with old friends..
• Headline: PLAN SPECIAL CLASS FOR CUP YACHTS; Members of U.S. and European Clubs to Meet Here Wednesday to Discuss Races.LIPTON READY TO COMPETEHas 23-Meter Craft to Enter if HeSells Shamrock V--Eight BoatsMight Be Eligible. Individuals Would Own Boats. British Yachtsmen at Meeting.. Impact: The meeting sparked a competitive spirit that led to yacht races turning into the world's most expensive game of tag, resulting in a new Olympic sport: 'Extreme Yacht Dodging.'. Fact: Why do yachts always have to race? Because they can't just sit around and wait for someone to ask them to join a game of cards!.
• Headline: MISS TAUBELE GAINS ARDSLEY NET FINAL; Conquers Miss Andrus, 6-3, 7-5 --Miss Francis Eliminates Miss Roberts, 6-4, 6-0.. Impact: Taubele's victory inspired a new generation of athletes to take up tennis, leading to a surge in the popularity of headbands and the term 'tennis elbow' being redefined as just an excuse to avoid heavy lifting.. Fact: In tennis, love means nothing, which is probably why so many players have trouble keeping relationships!.
• Headline: FOUR FUGITIVE REDS TO GIVE UP TO SERVE GASTONIA SENTENCES; Two Spurn Chance to Stay in Russia to Accept Long Terms in Killing of Police Chief. 3 ACCEPT SOVIET'S OFFER One Group Which Went Abroad Decides to Let Backers Forfeit Their Bail.FLIGHT SPLIT PARTY HEREAmerican Communists Urged theInternational to Send All Back for Punishment. Two Here to Surrender. 4 REDS TO GIVE UP IN GASTONIA KILLING Communist Rift Revealed. Moscow Backs Fugitives. Loss of Strikes Feared.. Impact: This act of surrender led to the formation of the 'Back to America Club,' where members reminisce about how much better things were in the ‘good old days’ of political exile.. Fact: Surrendering can be a great way to avoid facing the music—unless the music is a marching band welcoming you back home!.