AUGUST 30, 1930

Full News Archive

• Headline: Perkins Advances in Winged Foot Tourney. Impact: If Perkins hadn't triumphed in this tournament, golf might have never become the favorite pastime of the world's billionaires, leading to a global crisis in caddy supplies and an explosion of overpriced golf merchandise.. Fact: Did you know that missing a 2-foot putt has been statistically proven to cause more existential crises than a mid-life crisis?.
• Headline: DIVIDEND ACTIONS.. Impact: This lack of dividends sent shockwaves through the stock market, sparking a nationwide panic that birthed the phrase 'Do not invest in anything that sounds boring'—which has since become a mantra for millennials.. Fact: Did you know that the word 'dividend' is derived from the Latin 'dividere', meaning 'to divide'? Irony, right?.
• Headline: THINKS ANDREE LIVED TWO YEARS IN ARCTIC; Norwegian Research Head Says Group Was Well Equipped for a Long Stay. DIARY DATA KEPT SECRET Government Radios to Bratvaag Not to Let Unauthorized Persons on Ship. Fog Hampers Search. Gunboat to Take Bodies. THINK ANDREE LIVED TWO YEARS IN ARCTIC Captain Jensen Returns.. Impact: If Andree had lived two years in the Arctic, it could have inspired a new genre of survival reality shows—'Surviving with Polar Bears'—leading to a rise in popularity of extreme sports and questionable survival tactics.. Fact: Did you know that the fog in the Arctic is so thick, it could probably hide a family of walruses having a secret party?.
• Headline: HAGUE $60,000 TAX IS REPORTED PAID; Jersey City Mayor Is Said to Have Settled Federal Income Arrears and Penalties. HE REFUSES TO COMMENT T.M. Brandle, "Building Czar," Said to Have Signed Check-for Long-Disputed Government Debt.. Impact: Mayor's tax payment paved the way for future politicians to believe they could actually settle their debts, leading to a bizarrely optimistic belief that government officials might actually be responsible.. Fact: Did you know that settling a tax debt is often more thrilling than watching paint dry? It’s a real nail-biter!.
• Headline: P.R.R. GIVES SCHOLARSHIP.; Employe's Son to Receive Four-Year Course at U. of P.. Impact: This scholarship recipient’s success story inspired a series of motivational posters featuring cats and 'Believe in Yourself' quotes, which ultimately led to an explosion of mediocrity across college campuses.. Fact: Did you know that scholarships exist to make students feel like they actually have a chance, even if they’re still sleeping through their lectures?.
• Headline: Toothbrush of a Man Drowned When Ship Sank Found in Fish. Impact: The discovery of a toothbrush in a fish's stomach inadvertently sparked a global dental hygiene campaign, resulting in fish everywhere developing an aversion to human dental care products.. Fact: Did you know that fish have been known to judge humans based on their dental hygiene habits? True story!.